Today is 18 Feb 2012.
没有baby的第三十二天。
It is the 32nd day after our breakup.
It is the 1st Sat after starting work. It is supposed to be a very precious and happy day coz wkends are really valuable for the working class. However, I am sadder than ever today. The mere tot of baby no longer by my side makes me so sad. Baby used to stay over on Fri or Sat nights and we will spend the whole day together. Those were the days when I felt we were husband n wife. I long to marry baby but I had 2 make so many silly mistakes and failed to plan 4 our future. I know everything is 2 late. This will be a regret that I will bring along to my deathbed.
Life is so scary. I hate my current life. Everyday is a torture. I really hope I can wake up one day and 4get everything or I can die in my sleep. I really cannot live without baby. Baby baby, I miss you calling me dearie. I miss you waking me up from my sleep. I miss waking up to your voice or touch. I miss eating with you. I miss 你一口我一口。I am so scared of eating alone. I simply miss your everything.
I met up with Zeyan and Wenqi. I have not seen Wenqi for at least 7 or 8 yrs and it was quite awkward at 1st. Luckily we managed to talk and it turned out 2 b an njoyable night. Both of them gave me alot of advice and tot of many ways to help me start a new life. We chatted 4 many hrs and it was definitely a good catch up. Both of them have grown so much and they are really intellectual. I can sense their maturity. It is really time for me to grow up but I really need time. I am seriously injured and need a much longer time to recover from my wounds. I am just afraid I might never fully recover.
Baby msged me at 3.22am and I was shocked to see her msg. I did not expect her to contact me again. Baby said she does not 1 2 hurt me and asked me to 4give her and pull myself together. Baby baby... I know you do not 1 2 hurt me but in being wif him less than 1 mth after our breakup really affected me so much so much. It simply shows how insignificant I am in yr heart. It just implies our 5 yrs does not meant a thing 2 u. It is super hurting. It really is. I do not blame you for leaving me coz I know myself what I did to you. So never ask me to 4give you coz I never blamed you at all. I also 1 2 pull myself together but I really need time. It is definitely not a period of months.
Dun say u 1 me to find my happyness 2. Without you, I will never know what is happy. I know I am happy when I have you. Without you, as long as I dun keep crying is actually very gd le. As long as you are happy k.
I love you baby.
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