Goodbye baby. 祝你幸福。

Today is 17 Feb 2012.

没有baby的第三十一天。

It is the 31st day after our breakup.

Today is a day where I finally realised that baby and I are completely over and we will never have a chance to be back together. The truth really hurts and my heart is totally dead. Baby told me since I always say I love her so much, I shld be happy for her that she has alrdy found her happyness. It is high time that I wake up and face the cruel but true fact.

Since the very 1st day we got together, baby has never really loved me and is just wif me coz she pitied me and I was very persistent. She did not 1 2 hurt me so she sacrificed herself 2 be with me. I will always be grateful 2 baby 4 giving me the opportunity to be her dearie 4 such a long period of time. Everyone keep saying I am a complete fool but this is my life and I am going to live it the way I like. I love baby and that is the truth. I can never say that coz baby does not like me so I am not going to love her. True love is never in such a way. I love baby so much so much but I can never expect her 2 reciprocate the same kind of love to me. I will continue to love her but I know she is not going to come back to my side. I will bear the misery on my own.

This morning, I went to dabao yu tang 4 my beloved in the hope that we can have a happy meal together juz like the past. It was juz pure stupidity. When I was about to alight the bus, I saw baby boarding the bus. It was such a pleasant surprise but 2 baby, it was a nasty shock. She was very angry 2 c me and started to scold me. She hated the fact that I could not priortise but she failed to realise that my no 1 priority will always be her and it is still her now. I neglected her last yr and made her very disappointed and eventually gave all hope on me. Baby, you will forever b my no 1 priority.

After alighting, it was raining and baby just opened her brolly and walked towards the supermarket. In the past, I will be hugging her close to me as I shielded her from the rain. I guess I will never have a chance to hug baby ever again in this lifetime. The last ever hug will be the one I forced on her at the staircase landing of her house when she finished jogging. Our last kiss will be the one on New Year's eve in my rm. It was oso a reluctant 1 from her. Will you give me a peck on the cheek if I die early and provided you are willing to visit my wake? I really hope you will.

It brought back wonderful and sweet moments when we were in the supermarket. I guess it was the last ever time we go 2 the supermarket together. We will never have the chance to shop 4 stuff as a couple or even hubby and wifey ever again. I remember baby saying she yearns 4 the day we will shop and den go back happily to our cozy little house to cook. I am really sad. I will never have the chance to cook 4 my baby ever again.

After leaving Cold Storage, baby hailed a cab and warned me not to sit wif her in the back seat. It hurt me so much. I have become a person who she detests so much to the pt that she cannot even sit beside me. She is scared of me to that extent. When we reached her place, baby decided to give me some time and we wanted to eat the yu tang at the void deck juz like in the past. However, the aunty did not put the disposable cutlery and we could not eat it. We began toking and that was when baby exploded and started to hurl hurting words at me. She told me she loves YU KEN MIN so much and I am just a totally useless person 2 her. She said she hates to c me coz she will b reminded of how poor and how useless I am. She told me countless times that we will never be together anymore and how gd he is.

She broke my heart when she told me she is alrdy together wif him and that is alrdy a fact. I was really shocked to hear that coz I kept telling myself my baby will never do such hurtful stuff to me and she will not get together wif him so fast after our breakup. However, the truth always hurts and it is so clear that baby and him r an item now. I have to accept that my baby has alrdy moved on and it simply shows our 5yrs never ever meant a thing 2 her. Baby also told me whatever she said to me never ever meant anything coz I always lie to her. It was then that I realised it was my kharma. Baby stormed back hm and when I asked her to take the yu tang wif her, she ignored me. I waited outside her house and after numerous calls and msgs, baby said we will go 4 lunch 4 a last time.

Baby said we will go Megumi and have a last meal there. After that meal, she will not 1 any contact with me anymore. I was devastated. I really am. She flagged a cab n once I again she did not 1 me to sit beside her. The ride was just so uncomfortable.I swore to myself I will never sit in such a way with baby in a cab ever again. It was equally uneasy at Megumi where baby kept telling me how much she loves YU KEN MIN and we can never ever be together anymore. Our last meal together was simply a torture. I hate that feeling and I hope it will never reappear again.

Baby warned me not 2 contact her again and it hurt me so much. It started to rain again and we decided to take shelter and flag 4 a cab at the opp busstop instead. Baby told me sth super funny. She suddenly had an idea. She told me she will eat wif me if I shave off my head everytime she eats wif me. That was such a funny idea. She is just so special. so cute. She never fails to make me happy and even in such a tense situation she has the ability to make me realise that I love her so much and can never be angry with her 4 2 long. Baby baby... You are just so cute. I really love you. I miss you and I know I will miss you 4 a long time. maybe 1oyrs maybe forever.

Baby got on2 the cab and I refused to sit in front so I asked her to go alone. That was how we finally ended our 5yrs relationship. Never will I expect such a lousy ending. Our relationship never deserved such a bad ending but it has already happened. I can only take it on the chin and bite my lips and move on with life. My life will never ever b the same and I will never have baby by my side anymore. Baby has turned into solitude, loneliness, agony, grieve and misery. These 5 new "friends" will be the one accompanying me everyday. I have to start to get used to them.

I took a bus back to baby's place and went to c the doc. After seeing the doc, I got on 48 and left the place that gave me so much memories. I guess I will not go back anytime in the near future. I left with a super heavy heart and I broke down on the bus. As I typed my farewell msg to baby, emotions swallowed me and I could not withstand it. I suddenly recalled the 1st day that we got together and how happy I was that fateful morning of 080107. I dropped tears of joy that day and we went sakae 4 our 1st meal as a couple. It is so fitting that our final final day of our relationship also took place in a jap restaurant but it ended with tears of despair and agony.

I have to finally accept that this roller coaster ride had reached its end. Baby has decided to move on and I have to let go of her as she has found her happyness. I am worried that he will toy with yr feelings. Please let me know if he ever hurt you and I will deal with him. Rest assured I will not destroy yr happyness. I will prove to you that my love for you is true and I truly wish you happyness. I will always be your best friend and guardian angel. My house will always be open 4 you. My hp will forever be on for you 2 call or msg 24hrs a day, 7 days a wk.

I love you. I really love you.

Goodbye baby. 祝你幸福。