林健玮和陈玮铃是老夫老妻。我们会天长地久。

Today is 15 Feb 2012.

没有baby的第二十九天。

It is the 29th day after our breakup.

Today was a super sad day. Baby told me she is confused and sad everyday. She said we cannot be together but she would like us to be frens but she will feel bad if YU KEN MIN knows. She said when we were together I oso dun 1 her to contact him. Isn't this sentence saying that she is alrdy with him? I asked baby and she said it is complicated. I am really sad. Really sad. I cannot accept the fact that my baby is going in2 a new relationship less than 1 mth after we broke up. Many bad thoughts juz keep appearing in my mind. I really dunnoe if I can withstand this pressure.

I am tired both physically and mentally. I slept 6.5 hrs 4 3 days but I am not exactly tired. My heart is hurting so much that I am really numb 2 everything now. A walking zombie is the best description 4 me.

My colleague asked me if I have a girlfren and I said no. I never knew it was so painful 2 say I dun have a girlfren. He said we 2 can go SDU 2gether. Wat a statement! I juz had my beloved baby left me and there he was saying we can go SDU together. Wat a joke that was! I could not blame him though as he also dunnoe what I am going thru. I was really affected by it though. Now, when ppl asked me that qn, I can no longer tell everyone that I have a baby princess who is my everything. She is no longer with me. I have 2 accept the fact. I miss the times when ppl asked me and I proudly said yes. Who can I blame but myself. I did not cherish Baby when she was by my side and took her 4 granted.

Baby asked me what if she was my SHEN JIA YI. It was so weird. Shen Jia Yi and Ko Teng were never together while baby and I go all the way back to our jc days. We were together 4 a total of 1836days and there she was saying what if she was my Shen Jia Yi. I will tell you again baby. You r YU KEN MIN"S Shen Jia Yi not mine. We are meant to be and I will make you mine again. I will make sure I prove my worth 2 u. 林健玮和陈玮铃是老夫老妻。我们会天长地久。

After work, I decided to stroll around my new work place. The surroundings are really nice. As I was strolling, tears started 2 well up in my eyes and I had 2 hold them back. Emotions filled me up and I was struggling. I had an urge 2 juz jump into the river and end it all. Why have I ended up in this plight? Where is the confident and happy Kelvin Lim Jian Wei of the past? The Kelvin Lim of now is simply a coward and useless crybaby. A useless bum who can only sit and cry even when he knows his baby is in another guy's arms. Why can't I fight him 2 the end? I believe I shld not wallow in self pity anymore. It is high time I take action and bring an end 2 all these.

When I came in2 my rm after dinner, I was super emotional. Maybe my depression is worsening. I can just break down any time now. I cried as I was watching 995. I felt as if I can feel the husband's grieve as the wife was killed in an accident. The feeling when yr loved one suddenly leaving you in the cold is frightening. I am experiencing it since 251211. I miss baby so so so much. I really have so much 2 tell her. Why can't all these be a long nightmare? I really miss you baby. It has been almost a month since I last saw u.

I can't believe I cried while I was sleeping. It was the 1st time this ever happened. I never knew one could actually cry while slping. I had a bad dream and I cried. I was so shocked that i woke up coz of crying. But I was so happy that I woke up coz I saw baby's msg. She told me she just ended tuition ard midnite. I was so shocked! It was such a late tuition. Luckily baby had taken her dinner or else she would have gastric pain again.

I called baby and we spoke 4 the longest period 4 the 1st time in a few mths. Baby emphasized that we can no longer be together ever. She had 2 say it a few times. It saddened me so so so much. She just refuses 2 give me a last chance. The President may sometimes show leniency 2 those criminals but I am worse off than them. I have been given the death sentence once and 4 all. Baby told me YU KEN MIN brought her 2 many atas places and she is living a wonderful life. She is eating the best food now and she never 1 2 吃苦with me ever again. Is going 2 the best reataurant n eating very expensive food all that matters 2 her now? Baby used to tell me I need not bring her 2 eat ex food as she is happy as long the food is nice. She says the most impt thing is me eating by her side. Everything has changed now.

I know baby resents me 4 not getting her a gd gift 4 so long and she hates it when others have it but she doesn't. I am really sorry 4 all the stuff I did 2 hurt you baby. I will make it up 2 u. I promise and it will not be an empty promise anymore.

I 1 us 2 have a romantic stroll along the river soon. I am sure baby will love it.

I guess I have 2 try 2 catch some sleep as it is 4.37am alrdy. I can only hope I can c baby in my dreams soon!! really hope you can stop being confused n sad everyday. I 1 baby 2 slp well and enuf. Have a good sleep baby. Muacks muacks.

I love you with all my heart and soul.