Another Sat without baby.

Today is 4th Feb 2012.

没有baby的第十八天。

It is the 18th day after our breakup.

Today is such a weird day. I have not slept for more than 36hrs and I am not really tired. I was reading baby's messages 2 me 4 the past few mths and 2 messages made me realise how much I meant 2 her when we were together. I just kept crying as our memories appeared in my mind.

The 2 messages were sent by Baby 2 me in Sep'11 just 4mths ago. The 1st msg went like this: "Muacsk! U r so sweet. Just like the dearie I used to know. U were so sweet, cute and shy then. U made my heart raced and I was so touched. Thank you for loving me and tolerating my bad temper dear dear."

The 2nd msg was: "If ever I'm dying I'd want to be yr baby wifey before I die. Muacks. I hope I'll be healthy. I even drink much lesser coke le"

This 2 messages made my tears uncontrollable . Why did I become addicted to gambling? Why did I lose my baby? Why did I made her lose all faith and hope in me? Why didn't I cherish her when she stayed by my side. She even wanted to be my baby wifey before she dies. I am just a complete fool. I am an idiot. 我竟然眼真真地把我最深爱的宝贝送进另外一个男人的怀抱。

Baby suddenly messaged me at 2.30am just now to tell me not to emo over her. Her tone sounds like a complete stranger. It hurt me so much. 我们竟然成了最熟稀的默深人。我的心真的好痛好痛。I know you are doing all these 4 my own gd. I know you are trying 2 motivate me to get a job fast and work real hard. I know you still cannot 4give me 4 all my wrongdoings. I know u cannot 4get all the hurtful stuff that I said 2 u. I totally understand u. You told me once again we are alrdy over. The feeling is so agonising.

Baby called me at 3.53am and we spoke 4 33mins. It was the longest chat on the fone 4 so so so long. I missed the times where we will speak 4 hrs on the fone. We started our relationship when we were just 17yrs old! It has been a gd 10yrs! We have been the best of frens 4 such a long time. To lose yr best friend who also is yr beloved princess baby has dealt me with the biggest blow of my life. It is a really severe blow. A blow that stole my courage to face the world. I fully understand that I brought all these upon myself singlehandedly. I have to face the consequences. I had baby to go thru every tough obstacle hand in hand with me in the past. Today, I am all by my own. I know I have to pick myself up fast but this time round, the road is really rough.

My baby is single and available. Of coz there will be a long queue of suitors when word of us breaking up spreads ard. All I am asking 4 is baby must protect yrself. Dun ever let bad guys take advantage of u. Dun ever go drinking coz u never know what will happen if someone gets u drunk. I really hope you will be alert and take gd care of yrself. Dun ever go take a stranger's car if u dun really know him or her well. Always remember I will be available to u 24/7. Please call me if u r ever in danger and I will go rescue my baby immediately.

I am still praying hard that you have not started a new relationship yet. Please consider yr options carefully b4 u decide hao mah? Dun rush in2 it k.... Please dun get me wrong. I know I am no longer in a position to advise u wat 2 do. I just hope you will 三思而后行。

I really hope u will have a great time catching up with old friends or making new ones. Just remember to take gd care of yr health by drinking enuf water everyday k. Really hope you will not be 2 tired lata when u wake up. Yr period shld be ard this few days. Remember to bring xtra pads in yr bag k... Dun drink cold water when yr stomach pain pain k.

I hope I can find the strength to stand up and be a man soon. I dun 1 2 disappoint you again. I 1 2 be a man who is driven n has goals.

我祝你永远幸福。

我爱你。