The feeling of solitude is frightening

Today is 10 Feb 2012.

没有baby的第二十四天。

It is the 24th day after our breakup.

I have not seen baby since 190112. The feeling of missing her is torturing me day by day just like poison in my body spreading and spreading. I was looking through our photos when Baby suddenly called me at 5.43am ard 50mins ago. I am so happy to b able to chat with her but what she said broke my heart deeply.

She told me she went clubbing at Butter. I was stunned. Baby never liked clubbing but she said she 1 2 go every wk. I am really afraid and worried. I hate to c my baby doing this. She said any1 can woo her except me. It was like a dagger stabbed right down my heart. I really made her resent me so much. All I can do now is pray baby will take care of herself and dun let others take advantage of her. Can someone teach me what to do? I am so worried bout baby.

Baby told me Ken treats her really well and he is a very good catch. It pains my heart to hear her saying bout another guy but at the very least I can hear her voice. Baby asked me if I will attend her wedding in the future. What a question! To have your beloved asking you this is excruciating. To tink I am still dreaming of being the bridegroom! What a joke I am. A complete idiot.

Baby baby.... Somehow I feel you are feeling very down. I cannot sense the kind of happyness we shared in the past in you now. Can you dun suppress yr true emotions? I really 1 you 2 be happy. I hate to c you doing stuff 2 hurt yrself.

Earlier in the day, I understood how lonely 1 can be. I never ever once imagined I will walk around aimlessly, eat alone, pray alone and even wanted to catch a movie all by myself. I guess I have to adapt fast to my new life. Maybe next wk will be betta as I can immerse myself in work. This new chapter of my life does not look good at all. I hate my life. I hate myself.

It is another fri spent without my baby princess. I miss you baby. The degree of missing you is overwhelming high. I dream about you everyday. I am going to close my eyes and hope to see you soon. Have a good few hrs of slp.

I love you.