We broke up. The End of our 5 yr relationship.

Today is 17 Jan 2012.

I will remember this day for the rest of my life.

My beloved baby broke up with me at the void deck opposite her block. Yup. It is void deck. The place where i had so much memories. I tink I am juz suited to the void deck. Never would i get the chance to go her house and introduce myself proudly ever in this lifetime unless a miracle really happens.

What a difference 24hrs could make. I could not believe it. I am still in shock and total despair.

Baby called me at 1042pm yesterday. I was very shocked that she actually called me. When i answered the phone, she was crying her lungs out. She said she did not understand why things turn out so awfully between us. I could sense her anguise and pain. She was not feeling well either. I really wished i could hug her tightly and wipe away all the tears tat i had brought to her. I really want to tell her all that had happened was juz a bad nightmare and things will turn out well in a short time. In the past when she was feeling low, i would hug baby and console her and she would be fine after lying in my arms. She would fall aslp and when she woke up everything would be fine. How i wish this is juz 1 of those days.

Baby told me she was tired and needed to take medicine so she went to do so and slept. She said she would call me later in the night if she wanted to. Hearing that, I dare not slp and waited the whole night for her call. The call never came though.

I knew baby was sad so i really hoped i could surprise her by waiting 4 her after her tuition coz she had told me she would end tuition at 930pm juz now. I gambled that she would be at Rachel's house and went there to wait for her. I did not want to let Esther or Rachel to c me so i loitered ard her house and decided to walk towards the bus stop and c if esther would send baby out to the bus stop. Never did i expect to c Shin's car going 2wards Rachel's place. I was really angry. I was super hurt that my baby told me her tuition would end late but she decided to ask shin to pick her up and go to dinner together. I felt like an idiot. There i was waiting n waiting hoping 2 c my baby and wanted to walk out wif her from Esther's place and all she was thinking was go dinner wif shin. I was really sad that shin being my fren of 14yrs would do this 2 me. I even called him and he did not even suggest to pick me up and we go dinner together. I called him that day and he told me he was tired and today he even drove to pick my baby up. What was his intention? I really dunnoe.

I stopped their car and got in. Baby almost went berserk. She was so affected by my action. She said she 1 me to get off or else she would call the police. Was the gal who did that 2 me really the gal who i love for so many years? I really dun understand her rationale for doing that. We were supposed to meet for breakfast in less than 12hrs time and seeing me earlier really had such a big impact on her? I was really clueless and i am still clueless now. Maybe i will never know the ans in this lifetime. The way she threatened me really broke my heart. The way she scolded me and ridiculed me made me so sad and embarrassed. Shin was listening to every word that she said and she certainly did not mince her words. She kept going on and on and made me really heartbroken. Why did she even have the heart to do that to me? Why muz she call Zhihao and say i stalked her? I really dunnoe what joy she derived from doing all those to me. I am her dearie for a gd 5 yrs. The person she called dearie dearie... The person she kissed, hugged and missed every single day. Why have my baby changed into a another person over this few wks? Why???? I could not figure it out and it might stay on as a mystery forever.

I asked 30mins from her and she said it to me bluntly thay it will be the final 30mins she would give me and she wanted me to leave her completely alone forever. I was astounded. All i wanted was to c her and send her back hm coz Rachel's house was so inaccessible and dark. All i wanted was to c her safe and sound. All i got back in return was her hatred and cruelty. She told me straight in the face that she was going to be back with Ken. She said she still loves him after all these years. She said she the reason that she cried when calling me was not because of me. I was totally dumbfounded. What was my baby saying? Why did she even have the heart to say that to her dearie of 5yrs? What could possibly have made her said that? I really dunnoe. I really want to know. Was Ken the reason why she treated me so badly 4 the past few wks? Is baby really going back to him? I am still in a state of shock and disbelief. The woman i love so so so much is now telling me she is going to be with another guy soon. Was she telling the truth or was she juz making me give up on her?

I really dun want to give up on baby. I 1 2 work hard and prove to baby i am not useless. I am able to provide with all your wants. I know i can do it. All i need is yr motivation and encouragement and time.

However, if baby chooses not to wait for me i understand you oso. I know u yearn to marry within the nxt 1 yr or 2 and u can't c me doing that so u cannot be wif me. I totally understand. If Ken can marry you and give you a good life and be good and devoted and faithful to you, i will wish the 2 of u all the best. It is from the bottom of my heart. I really want to c baby happy but i have to make sure he really treats my baby well.

I just want to tell baby that i really love you. Never had my love changed a single bit even after how u treated me. I still love you and i will always do. Maybe i will never love anyone again. I just want you to know i will forever be dere for you and i will miss you forever.

Thank you for all the lovely memories. Thank you for loving me b4. Thank you for doting and caring 4 me so much. The past 1837 days have been the best of my life. I will never forget the wonderful 5yrs that i almost spent wif u daily. I am sure it will be the happiest period of my life in this lifetime. Nobody else can make me so happy except baby.

Thank you so much for giving me a chance to be your dearie on the 8th of Jan 2007. I knew u took pity on me so u gave me a chance. I am grateful to you. Thank you for making my life so wonderful. You complete my life. My life will never be the same starting from now.

I still hope we can have 1 last day together. We can have a meal, watch a movie and go shopping. That is my last wish. I sincerely hope u can fulfill this wish of mine. That is all i want. Nothing more. I really hope we can still be the best of friends.

Baby, I love you and i will miss you.