A heart to heart talk with my gd bro, Zeyan

Today is 21 Jan 2012.

没有baby的第四天。

The 4th day after we broke up.

Actually I am writing this entry at a super early hr of 7am of 22 Jan 2012. I have juz finished a personality test with results that are alarmingly accurate!! I realised i am an ISFJ!

Below r my results!!

http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFJ.html

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISFJ_car.html

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISFJ_rel.html

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISFJ_per.html

I feel that this test makes me understand more about myself and i will analyse it deeper when I have a clearer mind! I hope I will become a better person after understanding it completely!

Earlier today, I spoke with Shin on the fone. He advised me to give up on Baby and find a new gal. He emphasized that the problem lies with me and he told me to get a hold of myself and let go of the past. I have to admit he is partially right. He made me understand that I have been in self denial for the past 4days. Baby really did not lie to me and I had gotten the wrong idea yet again after 5yrs. Baby really felt sad coz YU KEN MIN scolded her and not because she was sad that we had turned out this way. I felt really stupid to even think we still had a chance to be together. I feel that I am the greatest idiot in this world. Why am I always getting the wrong idea? Why can't I juz accept that baby has alrdy left me for another guy? I guess it will really take awhile for this to sink in.

Sis was nice and she planned a mahjong session with Shu E so that i will have some company and not coop myself at hm. However, I really hate going her house after what happened on New Year's Eve. The bad memories of that day just keep coming back to haunt me. I can't help thinking that there is the place where baby and i last went together as a couple. That is also the place where the last straw which triggered our bad breakup occurred. I can still recall vividly the images of what happened that day. The exact spot where I lost my cool and Baby's backview as Levan and her walked away. I cannot get them out of my mind. I was really sad as I walked towards the lift. When I reached sis's place, I remember having our last dinner as a couple in the mj rm. I walked ard her house and saw a few beautiful photos of baby. There she was in the photos of sis's wedding. She was certainly the standout of the lot and definitely stole the thunder away from sis. My baby is definitely in a league of her own. Both her photos as a 姐妹 and at the dinner, she was a star. So beautiful, so gorgeous. Any bride in this world will definitely feel threatened by my baby's stunning beauty. She is simply irresistible. It is a mystery why talent and modelling companies have not approached her.

After mj, we caught Jay's new movie and it was quite an exciting show. However, the feeling is so different without baby by my side. It would have been perfect if baby had joined us just like in the past but it will never happen again in this lifetime. The mere thought of it just makes me even more sad. My baby has alrdy left my family. I have no more baby. I have to keep reminding myself about it.

During the show, Zeyan called me to join him, Zhangming and Jiaxuan for supper. Jiaxuan is back for CNY and will be leaving soon. I have not met up with the 2 of them and we have grown so much apart since 5yrs ago. It is not surprising that they no longer treat me as friends. I do not blame them at all coz I really left them abruptly 5yrs ago. I totally disappeared for 5 yrs and I can understand that they feel they have lost me as a friend. I can only apologise to them in my heart. Hopefully the 5 of us can go overseas nxt time again. I can still remember us going KL 4 3 days 2 nights. Junmin, Zeyan, Jiaxuan, Zhangming and me.

As the show ended very late as it was a 2 hrs plus show, I did not have the time to meet up with Zhangming and Xuan. Hopefully we can have a coffee b4 xuan goes back but i feel it is highly unlikely. Zeyan, being my gd bro, decided to ask Wancai Yongjie and me for a meet up after his session with Xuan and Zhangming. Wancai and Yongjie were very nice and they decided to meet. From this episode, I really feel that I still have 2 very good bros in Zeyan and Yongjie. Wancai is also very nice to meet up with us considering I have not contacted him 4 over 2 years at the very least. We had a great time catching up and I was really happy that they kept me company. As the restaurant was closing at 3am, we were told to leave. Zeyan sent the 2 of them back and we decided to have a talk at Sunshine place.

Zeyan has really grown alot both in size but most importantly his thinking. He has really matured alot and is now in a different league from us. He counselled me and enlightened me alot. I am really grateful and I do appreciate his time and effort. He treats me as 1 of his best friends and I am honoured. He said he is really sad to see that Junmin and me had landed in this state now. I really hope I can pick myself up fast and prove to him I can make it. I will give what he said to me some serious thoughts and I really 1 2 get a hold of myself in the shortest time possible.

Zeyan said Baby condemned me long ago and he long ago felt we shld not be together. He said he is disgusted that baby said that about me to him and still stayed wif me. I was hurt but I am still grateful to baby for showing pity on me and stayed by my side 4 5 yrs. I always say the 5 yrs have been the bestest and most wonderful period of my life and I still feel it this way. Right till this moment. Any1 can say what they like about me. I dun really care. All I know is that I love baby 4 who she is and I will never regret getting together with her on 08012007. It will always be my greatest achievement to be her dearie for 1836days. The memories are priceless and will stay with me to my deathbed. Given a choice to choose, I will still choose to be with baby 5yrs ago. It is actually not a matter of me choosing but the other way round instead. I alrdy know the ans if baby were to choose again. She alrdy told me she made a mistake in choosing me. She said she was sad and cried coz YU KEN MIN scolded her 4 making the wrong step 5 yrs ago and she has paid the price. Listen carefully YU KEN MIN, what Baby and I had gone thru is nothing of your business and I am sure baby have gd memories of us too. U betta watch out and treat my baby like a princess. If I ever find out you ill treating my baby, I will fight you out wif all my life and snatch my baby back. Please take gd care of her and remind her to drink more water. Ask her to eat regular meals and have betta slp everyday. She really needs enough sleep so her health can improve. Please be faithful and loyal to her. I know you are rich so please pamper her with more gifts. She loves Chanel 2.55, Manolo Blahnik, Christian Louboutin and Jimmy Choo. Please dun be stingy and get her all those k. She wants a Vera Wang for her wedding and I am sure you can afford a cozy and comfortable apartment like Breeze along Upper East Coast road. She hearts Fullerton and wishes to hold her wedding dere. It would be more wonderful if u can hold it at The Capella. Propose to her at the Effiel Tower and you need to bk asap as my baby is yearning to get married b4 30. Please love her with all your heart and soul.

Never ill treat her, I hereby warn you again.

I wish the 2 of you all the best.

Baby, I will be your guardian angel forever. I will be by yr side whenever you need me. My hp is open 4 u 24/7. You are my bestest friend forever. Till death do us part. I love you. I miss you so much.