My world has collapsed

Today is the 11th of Jan 2012.

Our 1830th day together.

Its the 12th day of our cooling off period.

I met up with 2 of my good friends, Zeyan & Yongjie, at Zeyan's new shop.

I was very ashamed to only meet them when i am in trouble.

I really neglected my friends for the past 5 years. I really believed that as long my baby is happy and by my side, everything else does not matter.

I was really wrong. Completely wrong. Meeting up with baby for almost 1800 days of our 1830 days together had definitely taken its toll on us. It had became too unhealthy for our relationship and therefore quarrels became more and more frequent.

However, for me, if given a choice, i would still have chosen to be with baby everyday. I really love having baby by my side. She is my energy. Whenever i see her endearing smile, my heart will melt. She has this aura in her that captivates me totally. It is as if she had casted a spell on me. I literally live for my baby. Her big and round eyes just catches my attention straight away. I love her eyes. She is simply irresistible. I love her for who she is. She stole my heart a long long time ago. How foolish was I to neglect her last year. I hate myself. I really wish i can erase 2011 from our memories.

Zeyan had a long chat with me. I am lucky to still have this gd friend. I dare not call him brother as i neglected him for many yrs. I am not fit to be considered a bro of his. He instilled sense in me. I agree with him but i am afraid i will disappoint him again.

I asked him to show me what baby sent him.

What i saw really broke me. Completely.

My baby told him, "Kelv and I broke up" "he still tink we can still get back together"

These 2 statements shook me. I was astounded. I really did not c that coming.

My baby asked me to choose from 2 options on the 31st of December 2011.

She said either we cool off for a month or we break up on that day.

I chose a cooling off and she agreed.

Now, there she was telling my friend we had broken up and i still harbour a thought of getting back with her. I really dunnoe wat to say or react. I am in pain now. I am scared that i have lost my baby forever. Why did she make that statement? WHY???????????????????????????????????
I dare not even tink about it.

Can someone tell me baby said that only in a matter of fit and she did not mean it? I really hope she did not mean it as it matters the world to me.

I can't imagine life without baby.

My life evolves around baby. Without baby, i am nothing. I am at a complete loss. I really dunnoe wat to do. Can Guanyin Niang Niang advise me? Can Guanyin Niang Niang tell baby to give me 1 last chance? I really need this last chance to prove myself to baby. I will change watever that baby dislikes. I will be the man that baby wants me to be.

Baby baby........... Can u give me 1 last chance? Can u come back to my side? I really miss u. I love you with all my heart and soul. Baby... Are you listening to me? Can u hear me?