Today is 12 Jan 2012.
Our 1831st day together.
Its the 13th day of our cooling off period.
After my conversation with Zeyan, i could not sleep. There was only 1 thing in my mind. I want to see my baby and asked her why she said those words.
I was very affected. I left house at 615am and hoped to catch baby when she goes jogging.
I reached before 8am and decided to stand opp the staircase where baby will jog down. I was afraid that i will miss baby so i decided to stand and keep a vigilant lookout for my baby. I really miss her. I really do. I really wanted to see her and hug her tightly. i really dunnoe how long more my body can take this. I was feeling really weak and cold. I had lost my appetite since christmas eve when we had our 1st big quarrel. I really regret my actions.
I just stood there and waited and waited, kept going in 2 watsapp and c if baby was online. Everyday i am hoping to c "Baby(typing)" on my watsapp but everyday i am disappointed. All i can c is "Baby(online) but she juz does not 1 2 msg me. The feeling is killing me. From the start of 2012, she has been doing it daily to me. I am going crazy. I really am.
So i waited and waited, finally i saw Alvin walking from the lift. I was taken aback. I could not let him know so i juz hid myself. The time was alrdy 1030am. I figured out that baby most probably will not be jogging but i still harbour a hope so i continued waiting till 1045am. So i decided to pick up the fone n my courage to try my luck. I was so happy that Baby answered my call. She said she was rushing to brenda's place so i decided not to disturb her so i hung up n waited at the lift 4 her. She still did not know that i had been waiting since 8am for her. I wanted to surprise her when she came down but i was so stupid. I hid behind the wall and let her walked towards the busstop 1st. At 1st i did not know if she was going to bus or cab so i jus hid n observed. When i saw she was waiting 4 bus, i decided to run to the next bus stop and board her bus. That was a big mistake. I ran as hard as i could but failed to reach as her bus had alrdy came. I was so sad and tired. My knees have really failed me. I hate myself. Why am i so weak?
I called baby and she said she was goin brenda's place so i ran 2wards the mrt station in the hope that i could catch up wif her. Never did i expect the following to happen. She did not go to brenda's place which meant she took the train 2wards Joo Koon. I being an idiot, jus waited 4 the train 2 simei. Once i reached Simei, i walked very fast to brenda's place really hoping i can catch a glimpse of my baby. I went all the way up to Brenda's place to find out tat my baby was not even dere coz her shoes were not outside the door. I was in total shock. I tot they could be having lunch at eastpt so i walked towards there. i combed the whole building and could not find them. That is when it hit me tat maybe my baby was not even at Simei. I was really sad and despondent. I walked back to Brenda's place again coz i really believed in baby. I went there again and could not c my baby's shoes so i was sure she lied to me.
I was so affected. I was crestfallen. I was really at a loss and my mind was a blank. Where is my baby? WHy muz she lie to me? What is she doing? All kind of bad tots surfaced in my mind. I really did not noe wat 2 do. I called baby and she just kept rejecting my calls. She msg me saying she was wif Ken. I could not take it. I really could not. However, i dun believe her coz i am sure she was out to spite me yet again. She knows that is my Archilles' heel so she did that on purpose. I told myself that. My baby will never do such drastic stuff 2 me. I have absolute faith in her.
I went bonkers. I kept calling and she kept rejecting. I guessed i had made her really weary of all these. I was also tired. She told me Zhihao said not 2 meet me alone. WHo was Zhihao to judge me? I was really angry. All i am asking for is a good chat n i really believe our relationship can still be salvaged if we can calm down and tok issues out nicely. I am sure about it. My baby threathened to call the cops. I really dun care as long we can meet n tok it out. I never will harm my baby. Never. I swear to Guanyin Niang Niang that if i ever harm baby in any way, i will die a terrible death. I love baby so much. Baby is my everything. She is my heart and soul.
That was when my mum suddenly called to say she was feeling giddy and hoped i can go hm and accompany her to the doc. I was really sad. I believe the reason that my mum can't slp well at night is me. She is definitely worried bout me but she does not dare to say it to me. I am really unfillial. I really hate myself. What on earth was i tinking the whole of last year? Why didn't i cherish wat i have in my life. I have my baby by my side supporting me. I have my mother who dotes on me so much. Why did i even have the heart to hurt them so much? I really hate myself whenever i look back. I have to pick myself up and treat them very well in the future.
I really hope i can get a stable job and embark on a whole new career. I have absolute faith in myself that if i put my heart and soul into it i can succeed. I 1 2 earn big bucks and lavish gifts on my baby. I 1 2 give her the best things in life. I 1 2 pamper her like a baby. I 1 2 bring my whole family to travel. My parents have not even taken a plane in their life and they are getting on in age. I really hope we can travel as a family in the near future. My family obviously includes my baby princess. I have regarded her as my family since so many years ago.
Baby, do you understand me? I know i made grave mistakes in the past few years. I had money to gamble away but did not buy much presents 4 u. I promise u with my life that i have quit gambling totally and will only spend on baby from my nxt pay cheque till my last pay and to my very last cent until i pass away. The reason why i 1 2 earn more is baby and i will only spend on you k. I admit that i have not bought many gifts 4 baby over the last 5 yrs. I will make it up by buying everything that u like for our nxt 50 years or more.
I will be a very driven man from now onwards. A man who is very enthusiastic and keen on his future. I know i have a bright future ahead of me and i know baby believes in me from day 1 just that i made u lose faith in me the last few years. I will prove to Baby u did not make the wrong decision on 08012007. I am recovering from my setback and i am sure i will b a stronger person after this heart wrenching episode. As baby always say, dun tink of how to save but instead tink of how to earn more!
This is definitely so true and i am sure i will earn more than enough to provide baby and baby baby with a comfortable life. We will go n choose more shuai shuai clothes for baby baby k. Dun 4get my heart is in him!!! We have to provide a family with warmth 4 him k. I know baby has not given up totally on me. I am sure of that.
My dearest baby princess, i hereby sincerely propose to you that you spare mercy on me and on account of baby baby, sis, SH, goat that you give me a last chance to salvage our relationship. Give me a final opportunity to prove to you that i am not all words and no action. Let us start afresh and i will show baby i am as wat the title of this blog means, A BRAND NEW DEARIE. The dearie that u always believe will do great and have a successful career. I am sure i will achieve greater heights with baby encouraging and motivating me by my side. You will always be the woman behind me and the only person that i will ever love so madly crazy and deeply.
I love you baby.
I really do.
Please say yes to my proposal.
Muacks muacks muacks
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