Still remember this Tiffany heart lock?

Today is 31st Jan 2012.

没有baby的第十四天。

It is the 14th day after our breakup.

I am writing this entry at 3.11am of 1st of Feb actually. I am devastated. While I am writing this entry, baby is celebrating her bday wif Yu Ken Min. I salute you Mr Yu. U have succeeded in snatching my beloved right away from me. You are cool. You can make baby listen 2 everything u say. Wat more can I say? I have been her dearie 4 more than 5yrs and she can break off with me completely and even threathen 2 call the police. I am really impressed and amazed at the rate that you 2 are progressing. You really have yr ways. I take my hat off you. I really hope you will treat my baby truely n not be a womaniser. If I ever find out you ill treat her, I swear I will kill you. I will fight it out wif u and I warn you I am not 1 2 be trifled with.

Babybaby... Do you even know how much I am hurting now? Do you know wat is goin thru my mind? It is 330am now and u r still not back yet. Where r you? Are you really so happy being wif him? Or is it becoz I hurt you 2 much and you are now hurting yrself 2 take revenge on me? Dun ever do this 2 yrself hao mah? You told me u love him. Do you really love him alot? Or is it becoz our relationship were on the rocks n so when he contacted u, u were moved?

It is yr birthday now. I really hope u will have a great day. I wish you happyness for the rest of yr life. I guess u muz be njoying yrself alot right now at this moment. It is super rare that you will not use yr hp 4 more than 3.5hrs. I still hope you can give me a chance 2 spend a few hrs wif u on yr birthday.

I miss you so so so much and I will always love you with my heart and soul. You will 4ever b my everything.

My whole family still welcomes you with both arms. We miss you lots.

Today is 3o Jan 2012.

没有baby的第十三天。

It is the 13th day after our breakup.

Baby baby.... I really dun understand why you muz draw such a clear line between us now. It hurts me so deeply 2 c u say you spent yr chinese new year without a few of yr close frens. I was yr dearie 4 a gd 1836days 好吗？ Have you forgotten our memories completely just in a month plus? Do you even know how much u hurt me when u said u deleted our Phuket photos? Those were my last memories with you and we took so many photos. It was the 1st time we took so many fotos. I can't believe u simply deleted them. I 1 our fotos back! I 1 them all back. Those are so precious 2 me. Can u tell me u have not deleted them? Please. I beg u. Pls give it back 2 me.

You said u will call me back coz yr hp low batt but till now 3.12am u din even send me a single msg. Can u dun do this 2 me? I am really heartbroken. Chinese New Year is still not over. We still have 7 more days. You still can cum my house n 拜年！Yr birthday is 2molo. We still can celebrate it together if u 1. We will still be like in the past few yrs where we blow the cake together! Sis misses you alot. She is really sad 2 lose u. She treats u like her own sister n part of us. My family has 7 members and that includes you. We will forever be 1 family and we really hope you can reunion wif us. Our family is incomplete without u. We can still go eat meals, eat yr fav chicken wings n play mahjong every wk. We still have plans 2 go overseas together. We have so much so much 2 do. Can you come back to us?

Dun say it will be yr 1st birthday u will spend without us. Give us a chance to celebrate with you 好吗？ Can you reconsider? Or u alrdy have plans?

You will forever b my princess. I will treat you like one. Will never treat u badly ever again. I 1 2 live happily ever after with baby. I will make you a happy baby princess. I 1 2 lie on the bed with u telling u yr fav bedtime story till you doze off and finally slp soundly in my arms. I yearn to have baby in my arms again. I 1 2 give you warmth and security. I 1 baby to sleep without any worries everyday. You always sleep well with me by yr side.

I was in a sweet dream today wif baby when u called me. I was so happy in the dream and was more happy when I saw yr call! I really hope I will have another sweet dream lata n baby will wake me up wif yr call again!!! Hooray!!!

I hope baby is sleeping soundly and in the midst of a sweet dream now. Let's meet in our dreams k.. Cya baby... Cya very soon!!

I love you. Muacks muacks muacks....

明天会更好! 雨过天晴一定会有彩红！！！

Today is 29 Jan 2012.

没有baby的第十二天。

It is the 12th day after our break up.

It is just 3 more days to my baby's birthday. I really want 2 celebrate her birthday with her but I guess she does not want 2 spend her birthday with me. How I wish we can spend a whole day together starting from 12midnite. I 1 2 countdown baby's birthday with her. I 1 2 wish baby happy birthday in person. Will I get a chance? I am praying real hard.

I am writing this post after baby's told me not 2 be sad over her anymore. She said I have 2 move on. After replying her, I have been waiting 4 a reply till now. I know she saw my msg but she did not 1 2 reply. I called her just now but she did not 1 2 ans.

I know you are still awake Baby. Why can't u give me a few mins? All I 1 is to hear yr voice. I know u hate seeing me so I am not forcing u. I only 1 2 tok wif u and msg u. I really have so so so much 2 tell you. I miss our conversations. I really love chatting wif baby on the fone. I miss you so much.

I am feeling so miserable right now. I hate this feeling. I am frightened. I never expected myself 2 b in my current state now. I am at a complete loss. I dun feel well at all. I never knew a breakup is so horrible. I really dun understand those ppl who treat break ups as nothing has ever happened. Where are their feelings? Are they even human beings?

My heart is shattered. I understand I broke yr heart too many times. I have been an idiot for far 2 many times. This breakup has taught me so much. I took baby 4 granted and neglected your feelings. I failed to give you security. I became 2 boring. Our relationship lost its sparks. I really 1 2 reignite it. I 1 2 rekindle baby's feelings 4 me. I 1 2 woo baby back. I 1 2 let baby feel loved. I noe baby loves the feeling of being wooed.

Baby baby... Can you dun be worried bout yr exams? I am sure you will do well if you do study 4 the 2 papers. Let's work hard in this new chapter of our lives 好吗？ I will give you motivation and will always be by yr side if you allow me 2. I will study with you and make sure you pass the 2 papers at the very least!! I promise I will not stress you about us and will just purely help you with your papers. We will set our objectives very clear from this very moment. Baby will study hard and pass yr 2 papers and I will work hard for a career. I know baby really wants me 2 secure a job n strive 4 a few yrs. I will not let you down baby. I will not disappoint you. I 1 2 b a man who you will b able to count on and not 1 who worries you all the time. I am old enuf and mature enuf to know what I am doin. I 1 2 prove to baby I am not useless.

Let's start by goin pay yr exam fees tomolo k.... Set a timetable a few goals! I am sure we will be very happy when we achieve our goals! That is what true happyness is about. I am sure the happyness that you are pursuing lies with us and not with other ppl. Let's 加油加油!! Get a hold of ourselves and chiong ah!!!

I am sure baby will agree wif me! Call me when you are up k. We fast fast go have lunch and go pay the fees. 明天会更好! I am sure 雨过天晴一定会有彩红！！！

Dun 4get it is birthday wk for baby k!! I 1 baby 2 b happy every single day!!!

I love you baby.

Baby and Brand New Dearie = HAPPYNESS

Today is 28 Jan 2012.

没有baby的第十一天。

It is the 11th day after our breakup.

Heard a few songs that portrayed my feelings aptly.























1. Jay's 你好吗

墙上静止的钟是为谁停留

是不是和我一样赖著不走 
你说故事已经结束
很久  我忘了　向前走  
我努力假装现在过得很好 
现在的你看来已不需要我 
也许在不同的时空 
还牵著　你的手  
想知道你真的过得好吗 
没有我也许是种解脱 
将思念穿梭在宇宙数千光年
悄悄到　你身边  
现在我试著习惯一个人过 
也许你已经开始新的生活 
陪著我的叫做寂寞 陪你的　是谁呢？ 

2. 吴克群's 爱太痛

吃不能吃睡不能睡 
没有了你全都不对 
我都学不会把爱敷衍 
用笑容来把眼泪催眠
笑不能笑哭不敢哭
人不像人鬼不像鬼
朋友都说这不过失恋
但我却连呼吸都胆怯 
能不能不爱了因为爱太痛了  
我痛得快死了却无法把你忘了 
能不能不爱了爱情它太痛了
我痛得快死了却无法把爱割舍
...我不能睡... 
我不能够不能够不爱了

3. 张敬轩's 只是太爱你

因为我真的想你了
一不小心就被寂寞
吞噬了爱著你的快乐
我知道这样不应该
也知道你会受伤害
只是不想再让自己对你太过依赖
我明白 你给你爱是真实地存在
喔 只是我不懂得如果去爱
才会让你想离开
因为我不知道
下一辈子是否还能遇见你
所以我今生才会
那么努力 把最好的给你
爱你都变成伤害你
我们的爱快要窒息
不是故意
只是太爱你

4. Show Luo's 好朋友

像两首节拍不同的歌
却又同时被爱情合奏
旋律勉强着
愉快不能够假装快乐
你心中有宽阔的天空
空气还稀薄
曾经等待因为会改变什么
你总会属于我
但是最后时间证明了
你只喜欢我
你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞
如果爱情是五线谱
我只希望用全音符
吟唱出爱上你
那完整的幸福
当你的心没有耳朵
即使我为你唱着歌
你也只看见我哭了
你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞

5. 张智成's 很想你

我很想你
你知道吗
如果可以就让我再见你
美好微笑 清澈眼睛
好确定那场分离只毁了我一个而已 
我很想你
听见了吗
这是唯一我无解的困境
那些过去不肯过去
不管我后来遇见多少人
只能叹息
都不是你
我只想爱你 
我在哪里
你会不会偶尔好奇
有没有曾经怀疑
我说我会忘记只是种好意

6. Ah Mei's 我最亲爱的

很想知道你近况 
我听人说还不如你对我讲 
经过那段遗憾 
请你放心　
我变得更加坚强
世界不管怎样荒凉 
爱过你就不怕孤单 
我最亲爱的　
你过的怎么样 
没我的日子　
你别来无恙 
依然亲爱的　
我没让你失望 
让我亲一亲　
像过去一样 
我想你一定喜欢 
现在的我学会了你最爱的开朗 
想起你的模样 
有什么错　
还不能够被原谅
世界不管怎样荒凉 
爱过你就不怕孤单 
我最亲爱的　
你过的怎么样
没我的日子　
你别来无恙 
依然亲爱的　
我没让你失望 
让我亲一亲　
像朋友一样 
虽然离开了你的时间 
比一起还漫长 
我们总能补偿 
因为中间空白的时光 
如果还能分享　
也是一种浪漫 
关系虽然不再一样 
关心却怎么能说断就断

Baby baby... I really hope you can listen to this 6 songs and tell me if you feel the same. I have a feeling you still miss me and care 4 me but u refuse to show it. U said u were happy that day when u had the great dinner wif me. U said u were happy having dinner wif him. U said u were happy coz he ordered soup and bird nest 4 u. U said u were happy coz u were smiling as u remembered and typed it down. N today u said how 2 noe if one is happy. I dun tink u r truly happy deep down yr heart. I feel that u r happy only coz it is a new experience wif a new guy after our 5yrs together. Baby, can you touch yr heart and really tink it thru if u r really happy? Dun you feel a single thing 2 me? Dun u miss me after our separation 4 more than 1 mth alrdy?

Do you even remember u started avoiding me since christmas? It has been more than 1 mth and I am miserable every single day. I tink of you all the time and I really miss you so much so much. Words really cannot describe how I feel every day without you and the agony is so so so strong. I have never felt more terrible in my 26yrs plus of life. Here I am writing this post at 7am and I keep checking my fone if you saw my msg. I can't slp and I really hope u will give me a call when u c my msg.

I was elated when Shu E told me honeypot watsapp me. The timing was just perfect. I really wanted to call u earlier on coz I want 2 send her back and c if u will give her some face and meet us 4 supper. It was such a coincedence that u msg me when we were on the way. I really tot it was fate and I was absolutely delighted and shocked at the same time. I dare not disturb you so I never managed to send the msg out to baby. I was so disappointed when baby said u could not meet us 4 a drink. I was really sad. The feeling from so high to so low was bad. Super bad. I understand baby oso. U will be having tuition in a few hrs time so u definitely need enuf rest. I am worried bout baby. I dunnoe if u have recovered from yr flu but I guess u must b still feeling not 2 well. How I wish I could be by yr side and take care of u like in the past.

Can baby call me once u wake up? I will pick up yr call de. I have been waiting 4 a call or msg since 2.55am but I noe u fell aslp le. You must b so tired. Did I mention I dreamt of u last night? I woke up wif a smile coz it was a sweet dream. I have not make a sweet dream 4 such a long time. Now I can only wait till I fall aslp and hope to dream of u.

Please take a cab if u r goin Rachel's house k. I am praying hard that you will call me. Can you tell me to go meet u after yr tuition? I am dying 2 c u. I have not seen you since last thurs when u hurried down the escalator to avoid me. Baby baby.... You r my everything. I can't live without you.

Being happy is to be wif the person who is on yr mind every other sec. Being happy is wat u felt when we were together minus 2011's bad periods. Being happy is us strolling hand in hand down east coast park, bangkok, bali, phuket, batam, jb and marina square and so so so many other places. I am sure baby still have some recollection of our happy times. Our staycations were so so so fantabulous!! I will never 4get Pan Pac, Conrad, Crowne and Mbs!! Our 1st ever massage at tiara mustika will always stay in my head till I die. Our Bangkok trips were never boring. We agreed to go every yr and I still want to go in a few mths time 4 our annual Kway Chup, goose, soi 5 and Ti Ka Peng!!! We still want to go Bali again! Ultimo and sarong!!! We have so so so many countries that we have not been 2!! Our Taiwan trip? Our Hongkong trip? Wat about Japan, Korea, Europe and US? I 1 2 bring baby to the authentic disneyland and eat the legendary churros! I 1 2 propose to baby at the Effiel Tower and eat the Michelin Star restaurant. We have so many unfinished plans. Baby will walk till the end wif me rite? I have faith in you.

Baby and Brand New Dearie = HAPPYNESS

I will prove to baby yr true happyness lies with us! We are meant 2 b and I am sure of that.

我们是行的！！！

我爱你。我爱你一生一事。

Steamboat without baby is saddening to the max

Today is 27 Jan 2012.

没有baby的第十天。

It is the 10th day after our breakup.

Msged baby to tell her that she can still pay her exam fees b4 31st Jan. She replied me "Thanks Thanks :) n all the best 4 yr interview lata." I was so hurt. My baby is treating me like a stranger. I hate that feeling. I really hate it. When yr beloved says just that 2 u, one can simply feel the reluctance to continue the conversation. After my interview, the 1st thing on my mind was to ask baby if she had found the form 4 the fees. She said she was out shopping and did not have time to find. I asked if she has time 4 coffee but she said she meeting Ruth they all. She told me Ruth was announcing her engagement and they r very xinfu. I can feel her jealousy and she really envies Ruth.

I know Baby also wants 2 get engaged but I am simply useless. Why did I fail to plan 4 our future? If I had planned and saved money since 5years ago, we could have engaged by now. I am just so stupid and foolish. I understand Baby so much but I failed to tink of our future seriously. It is only till now when Baby has left me and here I am regretting my past actions. I love baby so much but I failed to give her security. I should have been rational and realistic. A couple will never survive just on love. If I love her, I must work hard and provide 4 her and prove 2 her I am her Mr Right. All I did was stay by her side everyday and protect her. All my actions were wrong. A healthy relationship shld never be like us. I shld have given baby more space and freedom and not be so possessive.

I really miss you baby. Will I ever get a chance 2 prove myself 2 u again? I tink of u every single day. I will be thinking whether have you eaten and drink enuf water, whether have you fallen sick and whether you will even tink bout me.. My baby used to miss me everyday and kiss and hug me daily. I miss yr hug, yr kiss, yr everything.

I hope you are sleeping soundly baby. It is going to be another wkend without baby. My house have been so different without you. My parents miss u 2. They dare not say it out coz they r afraid 2 make me sad. My whole family misses you so much. You are already part of us since 5yrs ago. Just now when we had steamboat, I just cannot stop tinking of u. We had steamboat together the past few yrs. We were always so happy when we eat. This year round, I really had no appetite even though it is my 1st meal of the day. I just c no reason why I shld eat and I have no appetite oso. I have lost my appetite since losing you. I guess I will b able to slim down soon.

Will I ever get my appetite and gd slp back? I really hope baby will tink it through and give us a chance. We still have many 5yrs to go. I watched the tv today and keep seeing kites. How I wish I can go meet baby 4 breakfast in 5 hrs time and we go kite flying after that! I hope I will have a sweet dream lata coz it is only in the virtual world that we can go eat and play together.

I really cherish our relationship. I totally understand I screwed up 2 many times but I am sure I will redeem myself 4 the yrs 2 come. I will change and be a brand new dearie.

I love you baby.

I really hope you can give yrself some time to consider b4 entering a new relationship

Today is 26 Jan 2012.

没有baby的第九天。

It is the 9th day after our breakup.

I decided to call baby after 1 wk without contacting her. I really dun 1 to disturb her but I could not control myself. She did not 1 2 pick up and messaged me instead. I was devastated. I really miss her and really wanted to hear her voice. I have been bottling up my emotions 4 the past 1 wk and I really could not take it anymore. Tears just continue to roll down daily. I am in agony. The feeling is horrible. I refuse to wake up daily. I dun have the courage to face a new day. My life is torn. I cannot live without baby.

Went 2 meet Junmin and Yongjie 4 dinner at Marche. It has been a yr since I met Junmin and he has changed so much. He is spotting the same hairstyle as sec sch days! He is just so comical. I am really shocked to hear he has been travelling with his "fren". He chose 2 travel with her as she went on audit overseas. It must not have been easy 4 him 2 choose this path. I really dun understand him as he said he is not really settled wif his fren but he had taken so many days of unpaid leave just 2 accompany her as she worked. I guess he loves her alot to make such a sacrifice but he refuses to admit it. How I wish I am a successful guy and baby can travel with me as I work. However, I will not feel safe to leave baby all alone in another country. That's simply 2 dangerous le.

After dinner, we went Cold Stone where they had a cup of icecream. We continued to chit chat and Junmin asked me if I really wanted to do sales. He is very worried that I might hate the job as he has known me since sec 1. I really want to have a job where I can work 7 days a wk. I need a job real fast. I can't do this anymore. I am tired of my current life. I have nothing to look 4ward everyday. All I can do is look back at my beautiful memories with Baby and all I will do is cry n cry. Why am I doing all these? Why why why? I love Baby wif all my heart and soul. Now, I am a person without a heart and soul. I tink maybe I really need to start taking medication.

Zeyan called me as Yongjie and I were on our way hm. We decided to meet 4 supper as he had not taken dinner. During our meet up, Baby finally msg me. Although she msg me coz she wanted 2 ask if I have her resume, I am just happy to c her msg. It is the same as that day when she asked me 2 help her buy 4D. People may say I am foolish to be used by Baby but to me I dun feel it tat way. I love her wif all my heart. Watever she asks me 2 do, I will do it 4 her. She still means everything 2 me. I have given everything up 4 Baby and I will do it 4ever. To me, she is my everything. She is my goddess and will always be.

I called baby once I reached hm and was so happy that she picked up. However, she asked me to call her back in 10mins after we spoke 4 a few mins. Yu Ken Min wanted to talk to her. I have 2 make myself scarce. I spent the nxt 1 hr calling her and finally she ended the call. I was heartbroken. I really am. My baby spent 1 hr toking to him and all I could do was wait and keep calling till she ended the call coz she has no 2nd line. The 1 hr was so miserable. Here I was waiting patiently and there she was saying sweet nothings to another guy. I was totally shivering in tears. I am really scared. I really cannot bear losing baby 2 another guy. Why am I so useless?

How can I simply let my baby go into another man's arms without putting up a fight? I spoke wif baby and begged her to take some time to seriously consider b4 entering in2 a new relationship. I really hope Baby can listen 2 me and cool down 1st b4 committing. I really hope baby can protect herself. I pray everyday to Guanyin Niang Niang to ask her to look over baby and I am sure she will protect baby. I have faith in baby.

Baby suddenly told me she wants 2 go work 4 2 yrs. I was so shocked to hear that. Just last wk, she was telling me she dun 1 2 work and now she has suddenly change her mind. Is Yu Ken Min's words really so powerful? Does he mean so much 2 u? He is only just back and started contacting you 4 a few mths at most. Once he is back, the 1st thing he tells u is to break up wif me and you listened 2 him? I know we had so many problems but it was because we did not sit down n plan 4 our future. I am certainly not a stupid guy and I am sure we will have a future if I put in xtra effort and hard work. I can give up everything 4 baby and I am sure I am the only person in this world who loves you so much. I know words are cheap so I will let my actions prove to baby I am the guy who loves you the most and my heart will never change. I am a Scorpio and my personality test results speak 4 themselves. I will never give up on us coz I am sure we still have a future if I put in my best efforts.

I know Baby is happy now. I know baby loves new stuff. You are my baby 4 5 yrs and I totally understand you. You might b happy now coz you are starting a new relationship but pls give yrself a few mths hao mah? As I said, if you really choose him after a few mths lata, I will give you my blessings. I will not give up on us and I really hope you can tink it thru carefully. I will be waiting 4 u baby. I love you and I mean each and every single word I say.

Baby baby, I hope you will recover from yr flu when u wake up in the morning! Muacks muacks muacks.

I really miss the days when u said muacks muacks muacks 2 me. I miss u missing me.

Thank you 4 giving me the chance to love and dote on you. The past 5 yrs have really been my happiest period of my life and I really hope we will have more 5 yrs 2 come. 50years would be perfect and I can imagine us still being lovey dovey at the old age of 77.

I 1 2 spend the rest of my life wif u and I really hope I still have a chance.

Will Baby ever come back to me???

Today is 25 Jan 2012.

没有baby的第八天。

It is the 8th day after our breakup.

Today is a really sad day 4 me. I broke down while walking down the stairs 4 a walk. As I was walking down I remembered the day when I went to find baby hoping to meet her while she was jogging. I was delighted to c her that day. She gave me a few mins to talk and we walked up the stairs as we talked. Baby told me not to go c her until I am successful. She told me she wanted to marry and have a house by 30. I really want to work hard and strive 4 success so that I can afford to marry baby and get our cosy house. I was so foolish. Baby had already made up her mind to be with YU KEN MIN but did not want to break the news to me.

I am really heartbroken. I really am. I really dun understand why Baby can behave as if nothing has ever happened between us. Do you really dun feel anything 4 the 5years that we went thru together? It really breaks my heart that you have decided to be with him so swiftly after our breakup.

Why am I so useless? Why am I crying every single day for you? Why can't I just get a hold of myself and stand up like a man? I really dunnoe how to carry on with my life. I am so lost. My life has stopped since the day u said we needed a cool off. We were supposed to meet on your birthday but now everything is in tatters. How I wish I can celebrate your birthday with you...

I will never ever again fail to wake up on your birthday. I 1 2 plan a memorable birthday 4 baby. I 1 2 be like in the past where we can celebrate it together. I said I 1 2 spend yr every birthday with baby till I die. I really miss you baby. I really do.

Why must human beings always regret only after they have lost it? I really cherish you baby. I really do. Why can't you give me a last chance to redeem all my past mistakes? I yearn 4 the chance every single day. I am still hoping you will change your mind.

Baby... All I can ask 4 now is to dream of you when I slp. I hope you will still dream of us.

Maybe one day, Baby will come back to me. Maybe....

I will wait patiently for that day to arrive.

Baby, I love you.

A really sad 大年初二

Today is 24th Jan 2012.

没有baby的第七天。

It is the 7th day after our breakup.

I found out that I made the same mistake as b4. I misunderstood yr post once again.

The coffee club entry has alrdy been deleted and it just shows baby only craved 4 the breakfast and not because u missed eating breakfast wif me. I am sorry to misunderstand u yet again.

I am happy that you found happyness. Happy that you njoyed yr dinner so much. Happy that you drank hot bird nest. I really hope yr cough will go away asap. I can tell you are really happy without me. I guessed you have not eaten a dinner so happily 4 yrs. I just hope u can give yrself some time b4 committing totally in2 yr new relationship. Pls ensure he really treats u well and will not toy wif yr feelings 好吗？Please know that he is true to u only b4 u agree to give yr everything 2 him 好吗？ I am really worried. I really am.

Please tell me if he bullies you k. I will always be dere 4 u. Just a call from baby and I will rush down immediately. I 1 2 b yr guardian angel. I 1 2 protect u forever.

Here I am holding on 2 my fone 4 so many days and baby din even msg me a single time. I really miss yr msg, yr voice and yr face. How I wish I could take the fone n call you right away. I have an urge to go n pick u up 4 coffee or movie now but I know you will not agree. I am really lonely. I am really sad. Why must things turn out this way? Why?

This has 2 be the worst Chinese New Year ever.

Baby baby... I really wish we can be together again. I pray every single day. Maybe one day, you will come back to my side and I will be the happiest guy on earth again! I pray 4 a miracle. I will pray and pray.

I love you baby. I really do.

1st day of the Dragon Year

Today is 23 Jan 2012.

没有baby的第六天。

The 6th day after our break up.

Most ppl are happy when it is 大年初一 but I am certainly not 1 of them. To me, it is simply just another day that I wish could pass as fast as possible. I have lost everything in life except my family and a few good friends.

1 mth ago, I still had my beloved baby princess by my side. Today, she has alrdy left me and is in another guy's arms. I really cannot accept reality. It is so cruel. The truth hurts so so so much.

4 the past few years, baby joined us before and after she went her rich uncle's place. A few weeks ago, we were still saying that we would be visiting Shu E's new house together to play mahjong! Baby will never be going 拜年with me ever again unless a miracle happens. I am willing to wait patiently to witness a miracle. Choo yi asked me where is baby and I was dumbfounded. All I could say was you did not join. I could not bear to say we had broken up. I was so scared that I would break down and cry on the spot. I had 2 be strong.

Chinese New Year actually means so much 2 me. The fact that baby agreed to visit my family members with me the past few yrs made me so happy. I treated u as my family long long ago and I believe sis treated u even betta den myself. She likes you so much and you mean alot to her. Can you dun treat her like an enemy juz because we broke up? Life is short and it is not easy to find a good fren. You will always be my best fren and I really dun 1 our break up to ruin all that. I know we cannot be together but I really hope you can still show me some care and concern like in the past b4 we were a couple.

I sincerely hope that the dragon year will be a gd yr. I will still love you as b4 and I hope you will be happy forever.

Hope baby had a great 1st day of the dragon yr!

I really miss you.

I love you baby.

I am so empty

Today is 22 Jan 2012.

没有baby的第五天。

The 5th day after we broke up.

Life has been so miserable for me. Everyday I am just thinking of baby. I really miss her. My life has become empty since 1month ago after we had the big quarrel on christmas eve. 1 mth has already passed and I am still thinking about my actions that day. Why why why??? I totally understand the meaning of live to regret. I am regretting my actions every single day and I can only blame myself.

I had reunion dinner earlier on and it was a very weird one. It must have been the smallest number of family members 4 the reunion dinner till date. We only had 10 members for the dinner but the bill came up to 1200++. I felt it was not value 4 money at all. The food was okay but certainly not worth so much. I am looking forward to nxt yr's reunion dinner where Gor's 1st kid will be the new addition to the family! Congrats bro. Really happy for you. Please take gd care of both mum n child!!

I really hope the gods up there can guide and give me a helping hand. I am really lost. I have nothing to look 4ward to and the feeling is scary.

I hope baby had a good reunion dinner and I want you to live happily and healthily every single day of your life. Take good care of yrself. Protect yrself k.

I love you. I miss you everyday.

A heart to heart talk with my gd bro, Zeyan

Today is 21 Jan 2012.

没有baby的第四天。

The 4th day after we broke up.

Actually I am writing this entry at a super early hr of 7am of 22 Jan 2012. I have juz finished a personality test with results that are alarmingly accurate!! I realised i am an ISFJ!

Below r my results!!

http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFJ.html

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISFJ_car.html

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISFJ_rel.html

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISFJ_per.html

I feel that this test makes me understand more about myself and i will analyse it deeper when I have a clearer mind! I hope I will become a better person after understanding it completely!

Earlier today, I spoke with Shin on the fone. He advised me to give up on Baby and find a new gal. He emphasized that the problem lies with me and he told me to get a hold of myself and let go of the past. I have to admit he is partially right. He made me understand that I have been in self denial for the past 4days. Baby really did not lie to me and I had gotten the wrong idea yet again after 5yrs. Baby really felt sad coz YU KEN MIN scolded her and not because she was sad that we had turned out this way. I felt really stupid to even think we still had a chance to be together. I feel that I am the greatest idiot in this world. Why am I always getting the wrong idea? Why can't I juz accept that baby has alrdy left me for another guy? I guess it will really take awhile for this to sink in.

Sis was nice and she planned a mahjong session with Shu E so that i will have some company and not coop myself at hm. However, I really hate going her house after what happened on New Year's Eve. The bad memories of that day just keep coming back to haunt me. I can't help thinking that there is the place where baby and i last went together as a couple. That is also the place where the last straw which triggered our bad breakup occurred. I can still recall vividly the images of what happened that day. The exact spot where I lost my cool and Baby's backview as Levan and her walked away. I cannot get them out of my mind. I was really sad as I walked towards the lift. When I reached sis's place, I remember having our last dinner as a couple in the mj rm. I walked ard her house and saw a few beautiful photos of baby. There she was in the photos of sis's wedding. She was certainly the standout of the lot and definitely stole the thunder away from sis. My baby is definitely in a league of her own. Both her photos as a 姐妹 and at the dinner, she was a star. So beautiful, so gorgeous. Any bride in this world will definitely feel threatened by my baby's stunning beauty. She is simply irresistible. It is a mystery why talent and modelling companies have not approached her.

After mj, we caught Jay's new movie and it was quite an exciting show. However, the feeling is so different without baby by my side. It would have been perfect if baby had joined us just like in the past but it will never happen again in this lifetime. The mere thought of it just makes me even more sad. My baby has alrdy left my family. I have no more baby. I have to keep reminding myself about it.

During the show, Zeyan called me to join him, Zhangming and Jiaxuan for supper. Jiaxuan is back for CNY and will be leaving soon. I have not met up with the 2 of them and we have grown so much apart since 5yrs ago. It is not surprising that they no longer treat me as friends. I do not blame them at all coz I really left them abruptly 5yrs ago. I totally disappeared for 5 yrs and I can understand that they feel they have lost me as a friend. I can only apologise to them in my heart. Hopefully the 5 of us can go overseas nxt time again. I can still remember us going KL 4 3 days 2 nights. Junmin, Zeyan, Jiaxuan, Zhangming and me.

As the show ended very late as it was a 2 hrs plus show, I did not have the time to meet up with Zhangming and Xuan. Hopefully we can have a coffee b4 xuan goes back but i feel it is highly unlikely. Zeyan, being my gd bro, decided to ask Wancai Yongjie and me for a meet up after his session with Xuan and Zhangming. Wancai and Yongjie were very nice and they decided to meet. From this episode, I really feel that I still have 2 very good bros in Zeyan and Yongjie. Wancai is also very nice to meet up with us considering I have not contacted him 4 over 2 years at the very least. We had a great time catching up and I was really happy that they kept me company. As the restaurant was closing at 3am, we were told to leave. Zeyan sent the 2 of them back and we decided to have a talk at Sunshine place.

Zeyan has really grown alot both in size but most importantly his thinking. He has really matured alot and is now in a different league from us. He counselled me and enlightened me alot. I am really grateful and I do appreciate his time and effort. He treats me as 1 of his best friends and I am honoured. He said he is really sad to see that Junmin and me had landed in this state now. I really hope I can pick myself up fast and prove to him I can make it. I will give what he said to me some serious thoughts and I really 1 2 get a hold of myself in the shortest time possible.

Zeyan said Baby condemned me long ago and he long ago felt we shld not be together. He said he is disgusted that baby said that about me to him and still stayed wif me. I was hurt but I am still grateful to baby for showing pity on me and stayed by my side 4 5 yrs. I always say the 5 yrs have been the bestest and most wonderful period of my life and I still feel it this way. Right till this moment. Any1 can say what they like about me. I dun really care. All I know is that I love baby 4 who she is and I will never regret getting together with her on 08012007. It will always be my greatest achievement to be her dearie for 1836days. The memories are priceless and will stay with me to my deathbed. Given a choice to choose, I will still choose to be with baby 5yrs ago. It is actually not a matter of me choosing but the other way round instead. I alrdy know the ans if baby were to choose again. She alrdy told me she made a mistake in choosing me. She said she was sad and cried coz YU KEN MIN scolded her 4 making the wrong step 5 yrs ago and she has paid the price. Listen carefully YU KEN MIN, what Baby and I had gone thru is nothing of your business and I am sure baby have gd memories of us too. U betta watch out and treat my baby like a princess. If I ever find out you ill treating my baby, I will fight you out wif all my life and snatch my baby back. Please take gd care of her and remind her to drink more water. Ask her to eat regular meals and have betta slp everyday. She really needs enough sleep so her health can improve. Please be faithful and loyal to her. I know you are rich so please pamper her with more gifts. She loves Chanel 2.55, Manolo Blahnik, Christian Louboutin and Jimmy Choo. Please dun be stingy and get her all those k. She wants a Vera Wang for her wedding and I am sure you can afford a cozy and comfortable apartment like Breeze along Upper East Coast road. She hearts Fullerton and wishes to hold her wedding dere. It would be more wonderful if u can hold it at The Capella. Propose to her at the Effiel Tower and you need to bk asap as my baby is yearning to get married b4 30. Please love her with all your heart and soul.

Never ill treat her, I hereby warn you again.

I wish the 2 of you all the best.

Baby, I will be your guardian angel forever. I will be by yr side whenever you need me. My hp is open 4 u 24/7. You are my bestest friend forever. Till death do us part. I love you. I miss you so much.

A super boring Friday

Today is 20 Jan 2012.

The 3rd day after we broke up.

没有baby的第三天。

It is Chinese New Year's eve in 2days time. I am very afraid of "eves" now after what had happened on Christmas and New Year's eve. Those 2 days were the final 2 straws that made baby explode and give up on me. I shld say I was the 1 who exploded and caused our breakup. Those 2 days will forever be inked inside my head and I am sure I will be haunted by the 2 incidents till my death.

Baby did not contact me since she rushed for the train. I kept holding my phone and wanted to msg her but I should not do so. Baby really hates me now and I shall not aggravate her again. I miss you every second and I am sure I will miss you forever.

This must be the worst Lunar New Year of my life. I dun even feel like eating the reunion dinner. I hate the fact that this will be a new year without baby. I 1 2 go 拜年with baby. I 1 2 go 春到河畔with baby. I 1 2 play blackjack with baby. I am so sad. I really am. Why is all these happening? Why is my nightmare continuing every single day? Why will i ever get back my smile? Will I even be happy again this lifetime?

I will wait 4 u baby. I will. Till my last breath.

I love you.

I have a feeling that you are lying to me

Today is 19 Jan 12.

The 2nd day after our breakup.

没有baby的第二天。

I had a very impt interview in the morning but i juz could not bring myself to prepare 4 it. All i did was juz crying n crying. Why am i such a weakling? The only reason is I just can't move on with my life. It is a fact that we have broken up but I cannot accept it. Baby told me she will meet me for lunch and I was really delighted. However she emphasized that it was juz lunch and she will be off. I had an urge to simply cancel the interview and head 4 baby's place straight away but I could not do it.

After my interview, I was so happy that i could meet baby 4 a meal. Even though it was juz a meal it meant so much 2 me. It was our 1st meal together (just the 2 of us) since the mac we had after being chased out of shin's place on christmas eve. I never ever would have tot our last meal as a couple would be that pathetic meal at Mac. Whenever I think of it, it juz kills me. Why did i lose my temper on christmas eve and new year's eve? I really regretted my actions and I believe I will regret it for the rest of my life. Because of 2 moments of folly and impulse, I lost the love of my life forever. I hate myself. I really hate myself. If not 4 that stupid incident on christmas eve, we would have alrdy celebrated our 5year anniversary. Why do ppl only regret after things had happened? Why? Why did i let my jealousy and anger take over me? I really love you 2 much. I am 2 easily jealous. Whenever u try to spite me by making me jealous, i would fall into yr trap. I am just so possessive.

I am really sorry. I have suffocated you too much. I made you have the feeling that I do not trust you. The fact is I do not trust the other men in this world. Even though shin is my gd fren, i am oso jealous of him whenever u keep msging him and neglected me. There r 2 many examples of bad guys in this world. I am realy afraid baby would be duped into their sweet talk. I believe it is because you r simply stunning. You have the most perfect pair of eyes that I have ever seen. They are so captivating. I would label them as 赵魂眼. My soul have long already been captured by you. You have this charm and aura that makes me fall heads over heels for you. You have casted such a strong spell on me since so many yrs ago. You are the person I 1 2 c the 1st thing i wake up in the morning. I 1 2 listen to your voice b4 i sleep everyday. Do you even remember how long ago we started to talk daily on the fone and we became the best of frens? We were meant to be from the start. Do you remember the day b4 i enlisted on 150104? I still remember baby met me 4 lunch and i sent u to yr dad's stall at sengkang. It was the only time I took the sengkang lrt. I still remember vividly that I was so sad when u left. I was so afraid that i might lose you 4ever. The 1st day i enlisted i kept checking my fone once i had access to it. Once we returned to the bunk I would chiong to my bed and check. I was so happy that u were so concerned about me. Yr messages lit up my day. The only thing i looked forward everyday was in the night after lights out. I called baby and we chatted. I cried on the very 1st day and this is a secret that only u n me knew. I cried profusely coz i was scared i might lose u to another guy even though we were not together. You consoled me and u said u will accompany me to the movie once i booked out!!! I still remember the day when I booked out. I rushed down to meet baby at tanah merah mrt and we took the train 2 bugis to eat fish n co b4 catching "magic wok". Do you remember i was still in my no 4 and carrying the stupid bag?? I felt so touched that baby went to the movies wif me but i made you angry when i fell aslp in the cinema. I was really tired coz i slept almost at 3 or 4am everday and woke up at 530. But everything was worth it. It really cultivated our relationship and we became the best of frens.

This afternoon when we were at tangs, i kept secretly looking at you. You r really so beautiful. I nearly could not resist myself and hug you tightly. Do you ever know the feeling of standing beside yr love but all you could do was juz admire her in secret? The feeling was super bad. Our past memories just keep appearing in my head. I remember our countless times to the shopping malls and baby would try out and strut in front of me to seek my opinion. How i miss shopping wif baby? I love the feeling completely. Seeing the smile on yr face when u try sth pretty never fails to make my day. I love seeing baby happy. I love seeing you smile. When you were at bangkok with your family or mum, you even sent me yr fotos in the fitting rm over watsapp! That is why i love you so much. Even when u r overseas, you still remember me and will still show me yr face over watsapp. I really miss you baby. I really do.

Our meal at paragon was really torturous 4 me. We used to feed each other at every single meal and this was the 1st time in 5 yrs that we ate like strangers. I hated the feeling. I hated it. I love to 你一口，我一 口！！ I have completely lost my appetite and slp. I have lost so much weight these few mths and the past 27 days have made me so weak. I am now 75kg which is actually a gd thing la. When baby said to me that my mouth stinks, i was so sad. I was really embarrassed that i made you uncomfortable. I have not had a gd sleep since many many days and it has certainly taken its toll on me. I have bad breath now. I am depressed and i can't slp everyday. I really dunnoe when i can last till. I am in living hell every single day. It just gets worse everyday.

After the meal, baby went to get toothbrush and toothpaste at the supermarket. The supermarket brings back so much memories. We had been to various supermarkets so many times in our 5 yrs. We loved the 24hrs cold storage at holland v the best! We loved midnite supermarketing!! We love going to supermarkets. Baby used to say she loves going to the supermarket wif me and she hoped we would go to the market to get daily essentials when we get married in a few yrs time. Now everything have changed and i would never get a chance to do it with baby ever again. I am really sad. Tears just keep rolling down as i type this entry.
I guess i will never be happy again in this lifetime. My world has collapsed totally and i have no more baby. Baby baby... I miss you. I really wish i can hold you in my arms again and i will never let go till my last breath.

Baby warned me not to follow her and she rushed into the station and did not even look back. That was when I felt we have really ended. Baby used to turn back not once but 3 or 4 times b4 she walked down the escalator at tanah merah. She would also sms me immediately that she was missing me alrdy. Her messages never fail to warm my heart. Whenever she sends such sweet messages to me i would feel that i am the luckiest guy in the world. When would i ever find such a sweet baby again? Why didn't i cherish her when she was by my side? Why did i shout at her? Why did i scare her so badly? Why why why???

After baby went off, i was in a state of shock. I totally had no idea where i shld head to. I went 4 horse road to pray. On my way dere, i was so sad. Tears just flowed out of my eyes as i was walking. People dere must have tot i am a crazy man. I could not control myself. I really could not. My heart is in so much pain. I am getting my retribution now. I made baby cry 4 me countless times over 5yrs and now it's my turn. I am sorry that i neglected your feelings. I am sorry that i was not dere 4 u when u needed me most. I totally understand you.

However, the more i tink of it, i still have this strong feeling that what u said to me on tues night was not true. You were just making me jealous and want me to give up all hope on you. I strongly believe that you said you will be getting back wif Ken 2 spite me. I know you baby. I know your feelings to me. You will never do this behind my back. You r a person with emotions. You are kind hearted. You definitely will not treat me in such a cruel way. You were just 2 angry that i appeared at rachel's place. I could sense your sadness when u called me on mon. You were crying 4 me not him. Tell me i am rite baby. Pls tell me.

I love you with all my heart and soul. Without baby, i am just a walking zombie. Can we have coffee club breakfast just like we always did in the past? Please give me a call if you read my post. I am waiting 4 yr call. I will wait 4 you 4ever.

I love you.