You are one special special girl.

Today is 22nd May 2012.
没有baby的第一百二十六天。
It is the 126th day after our breakup.
I just had dinner wif my baby a few hrs ago. I really hope baby will not be so sad when she wakes up in the morning. I know she is very stressed and scared about her exam nxt wk. I was so helpless when she called me earlier in the day. Baby was crying and telling me she does not 1 2 study le. It pained my heart so badly. How I wished I could hug her tightly and comfort her and tell her everything is fine.

Baby baby... Please dun ever doubt yr own ability. You are one special special girl. You have brains, the most angelic & sweetest face, the cutest n happiest character, the most bubbly personality and a body that can kill all men on earth. What more do you want? Never say u r stupid or dumb ever again. You are definitely not. All you need is just concentration and self belief. As long you can have the correct mindset and determination to study, you will be able to pass it. Put your heart and soul in to study if you really 1 2 try the paper. I know you so well. Nothing is 2 hard 4 you. Tell yourself you can make it and simply do it k. Jiayou jiayou jiayou!!!!

I have absolute faith in you! You are the best baby! 我好爱你。好想抱你。永远都不放开。

It is May 2012, time passes so so so quickly.....

Today is 1st May 2012.

没有baby的第一百零五天。

It is the 105th day without baby by my side.

I still remember on the very same day 7 years ago, I told baby I like her alot. I was on duty in army. I remember vividly tat I was trembling when I told baby i like her alot. I was so silly. I told her I want to be her 小白. Baby was so shocked. She never expected that I would declare my feelings for her so suddenly. She dare not reply and I was so sad. I could not sleep that whole night. I kept checking my phone hoping that baby wld reply me. I was so worried that I had lost such a gd fren. Luckily, baby replied me the next morning but she told me we would be betta off as frens. I was really sad but also relieved that baby did not choose 2 ignore me.

Forward 7 yrs to today, here I am tinking and missing baby so so so much. I juz saw baby's facebook post ytd. She was so looking forward to yesterday and she said it will be a happy day. I guess her boyfren must have brought her out and she was so happy that she could spend the day with him. I am really jealous. Super duper jealous. However, I really hope that baby will be happy and I know once he has time 4 baby, she will be super happy and will not contact me.

I totally understand baby. I was not the guy she loved right from the start. She already loved him so much even b4 we got 2gether. Love cannot be forced. I know baby will do anything for him as long as he says it. That is how much she loves him. All I hope is he really treat baby well and will not toy with her feelings and throw her aside once he has enough of her.

Baby... I really hope you will be back to your original happy and genuine self. Stop being another person 4 the sake of him k. B yrself. Find back yourself and b truly happy! I 1 you to find back that bright sparkle in those beautiful eyes of yours.

I hope you are sleeping soundly. Have a good sleep.

I love you. I really do.

"If you could see inside my soul
see inside my heart
you would know how I long for you
whenever we're apart
If you could see inside my head
if thoughts were things to see
you would know how I cherish you
how much you mean to me
The sparkle in your beautiful eyes
your smile, laugh, your touch
are just a few of many reasons
I love you oh so much
I could search the whole world over
and this I know is true
I would never find another love
like the love I found with you"

对你的思念是好深好深。

Today is 14 April 2012.

没有baby的第八十八天。

It is the 88th day after our breakup.

It is almost 3months without baby by my side. The feeling is so awful. I am lost. Totally lost.

I am tinking of you baby. All I can do is tink bout u. 对你的思念是好深好深。

我的心真的伤的好深。看你为他哭的那么伤心让我好心痛。听你说你们和好了，我也好矛盾。

爱情真令人又爱又狠。但是我今身今史都不会后悔那么爱你。

因为我不知道下一背子是否还能遇见你。

你永远是我最深爱的公主。我好爱你。

祝你幸福。

I am contented just by seeing you

It is my 2nd entry in less than 24hrs.

It is a happy day 4 me. I watched a movie.

I am really proud to have been her dearie 4 1836days. I just hope baby will not neglect her own health coz she 1 2 slim down. You are so beautiful baby. You really are. I can seriously tell you how many ppl were looking at you. They must b wondering how you r so beautiful and not appear on tv yet.

I miss you so much. I want 2 have a fun day wif baby!!! Dun worry baby... You r not giving me false hope. I know we are totally finished. I am no longer harbouring any tot of us getting back together. I am contented just by seeing you.

Thank you baby princess. I love you.

"Any minute I'm not with you, I hope I'll see you soon. There's just something that happens when you walk into the room. And instantly, I feel so complete. It hits me right about the time you kiss my cheek. And you give me this feeling, it's like no other feeling, but it knocks me off my feet."

I raise my hand to your cheeks and I can feel my heart skip a beat "Being with you is like dancing in the summer rain. It's like sleeping in my own bed after I've been away for too long. It's like miles of highway stretching out before me, with no other cars in view. It's like running through sprinklers on a scorching day. It's like receiving a letter I've waited so long for. It's like finishing a five thousand-piece puzzle. Life's not perfect, but when you're with me, it's pretty damn close."

我真的真的好想你。

Today is 25th March 2012.

没有baby的第六十八天。

It is the 68th day after our breakup.

It has been 24 days since I last posted an entry. The reason why I had stopped 4 almost a month is becoz everytime I write an entry I will feel so terrible. I dun feel gd today. I dunnoe if I did the right thing yestersday. I really feel so guilty.

Time really passes so quickly.... It will soon be 3months without baby by my side. Life without baby is really tough and sad. Do you even know how much I miss u everyday? How I wish baby was with me juz now when we took a picture 4 mum's birthday. My family is simply incomplete without baby. I know it is no longer possible to have another foto with me or my family. My baby might have already been in YU KEN MIN's family portrait already.

I really hope you are happy now. I hope you will take good care of yrself. I wish your health will improve and u will be less stressed.

I love you. I really do. It pains my heart to accept the fact that u are in his arms n not mine but I know I have to accept it slowly. I still dream of you frequently and I hope you will still remember me.

我真的真的好想你。

I 1 2 buy a time machine. Can anyone tell me where I can get it?

Today is 29th Feb 2012.

没有baby的第四十三天。

It is the 43rd day after our breakup.

It is a special day today. It is a day that will only appear once in 4 yrs. I would love 2 spend such a day with the one and only special person in my heart but I have already lost her.

I am already contented to c baby's msg at 12.13am saying hello to me.... Seeing her msg n toking 2 her have become my only hobbies now. The transition from seeing baby 4 almost every single day 4 5 str8 yrs 2 now is really scary and ultra difficult.

I really wish 2 turn back time. I 1 2 buy a time machine. Can anyone tell me where I can get it?

Baby told me she was hungry and I told her 2 call her guy 2 take her 4 supper.... She replied and asked me if I could bring her instead... She is such a mischievous gal.... Never fails 2 make me happy n smile. I have an urge 2 hug baby real tight.

我好想紧紧抱着你永远都不再放开。

I always go KTV with him ah....

Today is 28th Feb 2012.

没有baby的第四十二天。

It is the 42nd day after our breakup.

Baby finally gave me a call at 9.07am this morning... I was delighted to c her call!!! I have waited so many hrs 2 finally hear her sweet voice. But the stupid reception killed the call! Baby asked me if she should get a sales job. She said she wants 2 be independent. I was so happy 2 hear that but when I told her she shld be abit independent n abit dependent on me, she gave me an angry face and asked me why me.. She told me I left her broken and the broken pieces of her heart have already been picked up by others... How I wish I were the only guy mending the broken pieces of her heart bit by bit till the end of time.

My heart brought me 2 Rachel's house... I hoped 2 catch a glimpse of baby thinking she will be dere... What a fool I was... I juz kept walking n walking... I remember the good old times when we strolled out from Rachel's place. I remember the time where we bought the durians from the mama shop and sat at the park n ate while njoying each other's company... It was so much fun den. I really miss it.... I am really sad that I will never get to stroll with baby hand in hand ever again. I really miss holding her small n icy hands...

Baby msged me at 1231am saying she was singing k.. I was so shocked to hear that... During our 5 yrs together, we only went ktv twice on our own... I remember hugging baby as we were singing.. Baby loved to sing 恋爱评碌with me.... I wish we can sing a duet again. I really wish....

Baby told me she always goes ktv with YU KEN MIN. I was really jealous when she said it. I still am. I hate the fact that he will be holding my baby in his arms as they sing... 我真的好痛苦。好痛好痛。

Baby called me and as we were chatting, YU KEN MIN called her. She hung up my phone immediately. That was the moment it dawned upon me that my baby has really left me. The feeling was so sucky... I have lost my baby.

I have no 1 2 blame but myself... I brought all these upon myself... I failed to cherish baby when she was by my side.

I love you baby. I really do.

Yet another day without a single msg from my beloved princess

Today is 27 Feb 2012.

没有baby的第四十一天。

It is the 41st day after our breakup.

It has been so many days since Baby last contacted me... Even a msg would have made my day but the msg did not come....

I shld know where I stand now la... I am no longer the guy baby will go to. I am no longer the 1st voice baby 1 2 listen 2 1st thing in the morning. Neither am I the voice that baby wants 2 hear b4 falling aslp...

I am missing you so badly baby...

我好想你好想你。

Another Saddening Sunday

Today is 26 Feb 2012.

没有baby的第四十天。

It is the 4oth day after our breakup.

Actually I have not posted any entry 4 more than 1 wk. I have been feeling really miserable by each passing day. I miss baby so so so much. I miss her everyday. Every morning, every afternoon, every evening and every night. You are always in my thoughts.

I really hope you are safe and sound. I want you to be happy.

I will always love you baby. I will always dote on you.

You will forever be the 1 & only woman who I will love with my whole heart & soul.

我好爱你.

A lonely lonely Sat.

Today is 25th Feb 2012.

没有baby的第三十九天。

It is the 39th day after our breakup.

Baby called me at 9.57am this morning. I was so happy to c her call. It was just like the past where baby will call me in the morning. I love waking up to baby's voice, touch and smell. I love seeing her the moment I open my eyes. However, it is no longer possible now. I can only think of the past and dream to see baby in my dreams. Baby spoke with me 4 a few mins and said she had 2 prepare 4 tuition. She hung up and till now she has not called or even sent a msg to me.

I just keep holding on 2 my fone hoping baby will call or msg me. I even took my fone n my house phone to the toilet. The msg or call did not come.

It is such a sad Saturday. Weekends are supposed to be happy but 4 me weekends have a brand new meaning now. It juz means that I am all alone. No more movies, no more mahjong, no more monopoly cards, no more poker cards, no more nice food, no more shopping, no more coffee and ice cream. No more baby.

I really miss you baby. I hope your menstrual pain has gone away. I 1 u 2 b healthy baby!

Hope you had a great Sat!

I love you baby.

他是我的男朋友。

Today is 24th Feb 2012.

没有baby的第三十八天。

It is the 38th day after our breakup.

After work, I just kept walking and walking. I just 1 2 tire myself out. I hate reality. I am a coward. I really dun 1 2 face reality. I cannot accept the fact that my baby is with another man now. It really breaks my heart.

I walked from my office all the way to Lavender and then to far east plaza and finally to the bus stop opp Wheelock. As I walked past Singapore flyer, I remembered the last time baby and I went there. It was such a happy day then. We were strolling hand in hand along the running track with the cooling breeze in our faces. I still remember baby saw a toddler who was running happily dere with his parents and he liked baby alot. Baby played with him and baby was so happy!! I still remember baby's sweet smile as she played with the "toy". It was a moment where i felt maybe in a few yrs time we could have a kid and go dere as a family. I would love to start a small family with my baby but I am also worried bout her health. I dun tink she can carry a baby as her health is really bad. I will never risk my baby's life coz of a baby. She is my everything. I will never let her go thru such risk. What am I tinking now?? I am simply daydreaming. Baby is no longer wif me.

I could have never imagined myself eating dinner on a Friday night all by myself in the past. Today was the 1st time that I actually did it. I told myself I have to adapt to life being alone. I really have to accept that baby is not by my side anymore. 陪着我的是孤单不是宝贝。

Baby told me “他是我的男朋友。” It was a tight tight slap on my face. It felt so so so painful as if a dagger piercing thru my heart.

我的心好痛好痛。真的好赤痛。

我知道我很不要脸但是爱情是没有对还是错，你可以不爱我但是你不可以不让我爱你。

我是真的真的好爱你。

You are always the perfect gal in my eyes. You are the best baby. I love you.

Today is 23rd Feb 2012.

没有baby的第三十七天。

It is the 37th day after our breakup.

Baby asked me a weird qn just now. She said why did I say she is beautiful now when juz awhile ago I told her she was fat and needed 2 lose weight. I was so stunned by her qn. I did not expect baby to be so affected by my remark. I definitely did not mean it. I must have lost my temper and flared up at her then. I love my baby so much. She is so so so beautiful. It hurt me when she said her boyfriend prefers her being thin n skinny. I tell u mr YU KEN MIN, you betta dun torture my baby and order her to lose weight. Her health is not gd and she cannot go hungry coz her gastric is very jialat. My baby is so pretty already and I have already given her 2 you without putting a fight. Wat more do you 1? You betta dun ill treat her. She only listens 2 u now. You betta dun say she is fat ever again. I warn u.

I am sorry baby for hurting yr feelings when I said you were fat. I swear to Guanyin Niang Niang that I never meant it. I love you 4 who you are. I never love you coz of yr beauty. I love your everything. Baby told me maybe YU KEN MIN does not love her as much as me. She said she needs time to figure out what she wants. I really hope you can tink it over and not be wif him coz you r angry and scared of me. I really dun 1 u 2 hurt yrself and end up getting advantage of by him. I juz 1 u 2 c if he is really the right guy 4 u.

Whatever it is, I juz 1 baby 2 know that you r always perfect in my eyes. You r my princess. You r my baby. I juz 1 2 take care of you like a baby forever, dote on you like a princess and love you with my heart n soul.

I really hope you can stop being sad and be happy. I love you baby.

You are sexy, hot, curvy, voluptuous but not fat.

You are simply irresistible as always. I will never get enuf of you.

健玮no more, I am 洲进。

Today is 22nd February 2012.

没有baby的第三十六天。

It is the 36th day after our breakup.

Today is the 1st day where I have a new chinese name. I am 洲进 now but the 进is wrong over here.
I am reluctant to change my chinese name as I have the same 玮 as my baby. However, baby's name is in fan ti words.

Baby msged me in the morning apologising for falling aslp ytd. She was just so cute. To b able to chat with her till she falls slp is the only thing I look 4ward everyday and I am honored.

Baby told me she likes the song by Andy Hui and Evonne. I love it alot coz baby only knows how 2 sing it and I super miss the time we spent KTV. I really hope we can sing it together once again.

Baby asked me if I can be her maid of honor if she gets married nxt time. What a qn she had 2 ask. If I can be like the maid of honor in the show, I dun mind it at all coz we will still be back together.

I am tired. I will cya in my dreams baby. Hope you are sleeping soundly now! Muacks muacks.

无论是健玮还是 洲进， 我永远都爱着陈玮玲。

How I wish I can b by yr side taking care of you when you don't feel well

Today is 21 Feb 2012.

没有baby的第三十五天。

It is the 35th day after our breakup.

Baby msged me saying she was very tired, emo and sad. How I wish I could be by her side giving her a warm hug and sayang baby. I used to sayang baby when she is having her period and she will feel betta... I will apply ruyi oil for baby as she is scared of the oil. She is just like a baby. So cute so cute. I really hope your menstrual cramps will not be so pain in the future. I feel so helpless when u are in such pain but I can't do anything to relieve yr pain.

I went on my routine walk after work. Walking and walking seems like an escape for me. I always have the feeling that maybe one day I will walk and meet baby along the way but actually it is impossible. I just 1 time to pass as fast as possible so I just kept walking. When I walked to raffles city, I thought of asking Zeyanb for dinner as mum did not cook. I walked all the way back to OCBC building as he was there and went back his shop 2 calculate the money. Met up with Wenqi and a few of her friends. I certainly felt out of place as I dun really like her frens n they were very fake ppl.

Baby called me ard 1045pm and I was shocked. I did not expect Baby to still go n teach till so late. She was contemplating a meet up but in the end she felt that she was still not ready to meet me. I totally understand her so I did not force her. I am alrdy very contented with her occasional msgs and calls. I really dare not ask for more.

Chatted with baby for awhile b4 she fell aslp. She was so tired. I really hope baby can slp well everyday! I miss you so much baby!

I love you.

This might be the last day I am 林健玮.

Today is 20 Feb 2012.

没有baby的第三十四天。

It is the 34th day after our breakup.

Baby msged in the morning telling me she ls till very tired. This is my baby. Always cannot take care of herself. Always make me so worried bout her. I really hope your health will improve baby. You muz learn to take gd care of yrself 好吗？I am no longer by yr side. I can no longer take gd care of u. I know you hate drinking plain water but you really muz drink more k.... B a gd gal baby....

I was happily msging in the afternoon till I told baby she will always be my best fren. She ignored me after I told her that. What did I say wrong baby? You no longer treat me as yr best fren?

After work, I decided to go take a stroll again. As I was walking, I can't help but recall our beautiful memories. I really miss holding baby's hand and strolling along the river. As I walked past Forlino, I remembered baby spending my 25th birthday there wif me. It was such a wonderful day. Never did I expect that 2 be the 2nd last bday baby spent wif me as my girlfriend. What a great night it was. Great food, great ambience and most importantly having the woman of my dreams spending my birthday with me. I will never 4get that day. I remember baby loving the foie gras and not 2 4get the expensive "still water" which was juz a stupid bottle of plain water!!! It brought back laughter and happyness 2 me. As I continued walking down, I saw the Merlion. I remember baby and I took a few pictures near the Merlion. I saw a couple taking their wedding photos. They looked so happy. How I wish I would have the chance 2 take wedding photos with baby there also but I know it is not going to happen.

I continued to walk and walk until I reached the busstop in front of esplanade. I boarded 960 and came back hm. I miss our bus rides. I miss baby sleeping on my shoulders. When you love a person, doing anything and everything with her simply makes one happy. I miss you baby...

Baby wanted to meet me 4 a drink but after some thought she decided against it. She said she did not 1 2 upset me. She also asked me if I can dun hate YU KEN MIN. I really can't do it baby. I really can't. I can't accept the fact that I singlehandedly gave you up and sent u str8 in2 his arms. The mere thought of you being his gf makes me awful. Really awful.

I know baby likes Chanel alot. I will buy you Chanel k. I will make up for what I did not give you the past few yrs. I simply 1 you 2 b happy. Nothing else more.

Today might be the last day I am 林健玮。This might be the last time I say 林健玮永远深爱着陈玮玲。No matter what my new chinese name is, I will always love baby crazily, madly and deeply.

我爱你宝贝。

A Sun that ended on a high note.

Today is 19 Feb 2012.

没有baby的第三十三天。

It is the 33rd day after our breakup.

A boring Sunday which ended on a high note for me. Baby msged me at 9.36pm saying she hope we will not meet or end this way next lifetime. I want to meet baby if there is a nxt lifetime. I 1 2 meet baby earlier and be the man baby loves most. I will work hard and be the guy that baby yearns to be with. I will not hurt baby and will dote on baby more than ever and forever.

Baby's stomach was very pain when she msged me. I was so worried. I used to help her apply ru yi you when her stomach was pain and she would feel much betta afterwards. Baby used to say she loves me carressing her stomach and she would feel much much betta coz my hands were always warm and made her comfortable and safe. I love holding baby's hands coz they were always ice cold and I would be able to warm her.

Baby wanted to meet me but she was afraid we might quarrel again and was also worried that she might need the toilet. We decided to speak on the phone till she fall aslp. Actually, as I am writing this post now, baby is still on the phone snoozing away. I have been on the phone listening to her breathing 4 2hrs 36mins and still counting. That is the only way that I feel closest to my baby now. I am alrdy contented to b able to hear her breathing now.

Baby asked me if I will still cook maggi 4 her. Of coz I will and I yearn to cook betta and nicer food for you baby. I 1 2 learn to cook a sumptuous few course dinner 4 u. I will do anything as long you ask me to do. You know I only listen to you de.

I hope you can sleep well and wake up feeling great. I already prayed to Guanyin Niang Niang and asked her to take away your stomach pain. I hope she has alrdy used her powers! Have a good slp baby. C you soon in our dreams! Good night my dearest. Muacks muacks muacks.

I love you baby.

Yet another Sat without baby

Today is 18 Feb 2012.

没有baby的第三十二天。

It is the 32nd day after our breakup.

It is the 1st Sat after starting work. It is supposed to be a very precious and happy day coz wkends are really valuable for the working class. However, I am sadder than ever today. The mere tot of baby no longer by my side makes me so sad. Baby used to stay over on Fri or Sat nights and we will spend the whole day together. Those were the days when I felt we were husband n wife. I long to marry baby but I had 2 make so many silly mistakes and failed to plan 4 our future. I know everything is 2 late. This will be a regret that I will bring along to my deathbed.

Life is so scary. I hate my current life. Everyday is a torture. I really hope I can wake up one day and 4get everything or I can die in my sleep. I really cannot live without baby. Baby baby, I miss you calling me dearie. I miss you waking me up from my sleep. I miss waking up to your voice or touch. I miss eating with you. I miss 你一口我一口。I am so scared of eating alone. I simply miss your everything.

I met up with Zeyan and Wenqi. I have not seen Wenqi for at least 7 or 8 yrs and it was quite awkward at 1st. Luckily we managed to talk and it turned out 2 b an njoyable night. Both of them gave me alot of advice and tot of many ways to help me start a new life. We chatted 4 many hrs and it was definitely a good catch up. Both of them have grown so much and they are really intellectual. I can sense their maturity. It is really time for me to grow up but I really need time. I am seriously injured and need a much longer time to recover from my wounds. I am just afraid I might never fully recover.

Baby msged me at 3.22am and I was shocked to see her msg. I did not expect her to contact me again. Baby said she does not 1 2 hurt me and asked me to 4give her and pull myself together. Baby baby... I know you do not 1 2 hurt me but in being wif him less than 1 mth after our breakup really affected me so much so much. It simply shows how insignificant I am in yr heart. It just implies our 5 yrs does not meant a thing 2 u. It is super hurting. It really is. I do not blame you for leaving me coz I know myself what I did to you. So never ask me to 4give you coz I never blamed you at all. I also 1 2 pull myself together but I really need time. It is definitely not a period of months.

Dun say u 1 me to find my happyness 2. Without you, I will never know what is happy. I know I am happy when I have you. Without you, as long as I dun keep crying is actually very gd le. As long as you are happy k.

I love you baby.

Goodbye baby. 祝你幸福。

Today is 17 Feb 2012.

没有baby的第三十一天。

It is the 31st day after our breakup.

Today is a day where I finally realised that baby and I are completely over and we will never have a chance to be back together. The truth really hurts and my heart is totally dead. Baby told me since I always say I love her so much, I shld be happy for her that she has alrdy found her happyness. It is high time that I wake up and face the cruel but true fact.

Since the very 1st day we got together, baby has never really loved me and is just wif me coz she pitied me and I was very persistent. She did not 1 2 hurt me so she sacrificed herself 2 be with me. I will always be grateful 2 baby 4 giving me the opportunity to be her dearie 4 such a long period of time. Everyone keep saying I am a complete fool but this is my life and I am going to live it the way I like. I love baby and that is the truth. I can never say that coz baby does not like me so I am not going to love her. True love is never in such a way. I love baby so much so much but I can never expect her 2 reciprocate the same kind of love to me. I will continue to love her but I know she is not going to come back to my side. I will bear the misery on my own.

This morning, I went to dabao yu tang 4 my beloved in the hope that we can have a happy meal together juz like the past. It was juz pure stupidity. When I was about to alight the bus, I saw baby boarding the bus. It was such a pleasant surprise but 2 baby, it was a nasty shock. She was very angry 2 c me and started to scold me. She hated the fact that I could not priortise but she failed to realise that my no 1 priority will always be her and it is still her now. I neglected her last yr and made her very disappointed and eventually gave all hope on me. Baby, you will forever b my no 1 priority.

After alighting, it was raining and baby just opened her brolly and walked towards the supermarket. In the past, I will be hugging her close to me as I shielded her from the rain. I guess I will never have a chance to hug baby ever again in this lifetime. The last ever hug will be the one I forced on her at the staircase landing of her house when she finished jogging. Our last kiss will be the one on New Year's eve in my rm. It was oso a reluctant 1 from her. Will you give me a peck on the cheek if I die early and provided you are willing to visit my wake? I really hope you will.

It brought back wonderful and sweet moments when we were in the supermarket. I guess it was the last ever time we go 2 the supermarket together. We will never have the chance to shop 4 stuff as a couple or even hubby and wifey ever again. I remember baby saying she yearns 4 the day we will shop and den go back happily to our cozy little house to cook. I am really sad. I will never have the chance to cook 4 my baby ever again.

After leaving Cold Storage, baby hailed a cab and warned me not to sit wif her in the back seat. It hurt me so much. I have become a person who she detests so much to the pt that she cannot even sit beside me. She is scared of me to that extent. When we reached her place, baby decided to give me some time and we wanted to eat the yu tang at the void deck juz like in the past. However, the aunty did not put the disposable cutlery and we could not eat it. We began toking and that was when baby exploded and started to hurl hurting words at me. She told me she loves YU KEN MIN so much and I am just a totally useless person 2 her. She said she hates to c me coz she will b reminded of how poor and how useless I am. She told me countless times that we will never be together anymore and how gd he is.

She broke my heart when she told me she is alrdy together wif him and that is alrdy a fact. I was really shocked to hear that coz I kept telling myself my baby will never do such hurtful stuff to me and she will not get together wif him so fast after our breakup. However, the truth always hurts and it is so clear that baby and him r an item now. I have to accept that my baby has alrdy moved on and it simply shows our 5yrs never ever meant a thing 2 her. Baby also told me whatever she said to me never ever meant anything coz I always lie to her. It was then that I realised it was my kharma. Baby stormed back hm and when I asked her to take the yu tang wif her, she ignored me. I waited outside her house and after numerous calls and msgs, baby said we will go 4 lunch 4 a last time.

Baby said we will go Megumi and have a last meal there. After that meal, she will not 1 any contact with me anymore. I was devastated. I really am. She flagged a cab n once I again she did not 1 me to sit beside her. The ride was just so uncomfortable.I swore to myself I will never sit in such a way with baby in a cab ever again. It was equally uneasy at Megumi where baby kept telling me how much she loves YU KEN MIN and we can never ever be together anymore. Our last meal together was simply a torture. I hate that feeling and I hope it will never reappear again.

Baby warned me not 2 contact her again and it hurt me so much. It started to rain again and we decided to take shelter and flag 4 a cab at the opp busstop instead. Baby told me sth super funny. She suddenly had an idea. She told me she will eat wif me if I shave off my head everytime she eats wif me. That was such a funny idea. She is just so special. so cute. She never fails to make me happy and even in such a tense situation she has the ability to make me realise that I love her so much and can never be angry with her 4 2 long. Baby baby... You are just so cute. I really love you. I miss you and I know I will miss you 4 a long time. maybe 1oyrs maybe forever.

Baby got on2 the cab and I refused to sit in front so I asked her to go alone. That was how we finally ended our 5yrs relationship. Never will I expect such a lousy ending. Our relationship never deserved such a bad ending but it has already happened. I can only take it on the chin and bite my lips and move on with life. My life will never ever b the same and I will never have baby by my side anymore. Baby has turned into solitude, loneliness, agony, grieve and misery. These 5 new "friends" will be the one accompanying me everyday. I have to start to get used to them.

I took a bus back to baby's place and went to c the doc. After seeing the doc, I got on 48 and left the place that gave me so much memories. I guess I will not go back anytime in the near future. I left with a super heavy heart and I broke down on the bus. As I typed my farewell msg to baby, emotions swallowed me and I could not withstand it. I suddenly recalled the 1st day that we got together and how happy I was that fateful morning of 080107. I dropped tears of joy that day and we went sakae 4 our 1st meal as a couple. It is so fitting that our final final day of our relationship also took place in a jap restaurant but it ended with tears of despair and agony.

I have to finally accept that this roller coaster ride had reached its end. Baby has decided to move on and I have to let go of her as she has found her happyness. I am worried that he will toy with yr feelings. Please let me know if he ever hurt you and I will deal with him. Rest assured I will not destroy yr happyness. I will prove to you that my love for you is true and I truly wish you happyness. I will always be your best friend and guardian angel. My house will always be open 4 you. My hp will forever be on for you 2 call or msg 24hrs a day, 7 days a wk.

I love you. I really love you.

Goodbye baby. 祝你幸福。

A topsy turvy day.

Today is 16 Feb 2012.

没有baby的第三十天。

It is the 30th day after our breakup.

What a topsy turvy day it had been. It started so well for me. Baby called me at 9.12am and asked if I could call n tok. I was so happy. I jumped when I received the msg and called Baby immediately as I walk str8 to the pantry. Baby's mood was gd and she chatted wif me so happily. It rekindled my fond memories of our countless phonecalls. She chatting with me was really the best ever way 2 start a boring day at the office. Baby told me if I could earn 10k per mth when we r 30, she will marry me. She asked me if I want it or not. I was really happy 2 hear that but I never knew she was just making an empty statement. It was simply a casual remark which she did not mean a single thing.

We talked 4 ard 20 to 30 mins and I went back 2 my desk coz baby said I muz show face abit. She told me 2 call her back at 10. I was really overjoyed. It has been such a long time since baby was so happy chatting wif me. True enuf, baby msged me at 10.12am and asked if I were busy. I told baby to give me 5 mins and I will return her call. I went all the way down and chatted with baby in outdoors. We were both close to water with her at ecp and me juz opp mbs. The feeeling was so great. It was indeed a great 1st half of the day.

I called baby ard 430pm and we continued to chat as baby went out 2 breathe some fresh air. Baby told me she would like 2 watch Andy Lau's concert if he comes 2 Spore and we agreed to go together! It will be my 1st ever concert and 2 have baby accopmanying me will b the most apt 4 the special occasion!!! I am so looking forward 2 it. Baby told me she will be meeting my sis early in the morning and she was contemplating if she shld ask me 2 go along. In the end, she decided not 2 which affected me quite abit as I was longing 2 c her. Baby said she will call me again as we ended the conversation.

Once again after the few calls, I had the sudden urge of seeing baby right away. I was so desperate 2 c her. It was the exact feeling as the day of our breakup. The night b4, baby called me and was crying. I really believed she was crying over us but in the end she told me she was crying coz of YU KEN MIN. How foolish and idiotic one can get? I still remember b4 we got together, I got the wrong idea while reading her blog. I even calculated the no of spacing and was delighted when the no of spacings matched my name. I was so so so wrong. It was only coincidental tat it was the same. This was the umpteen time I got the wrong idea. There is actually no salvaging of our 5yr relationship. Baby had long ago made up her mind in getting rid of me once and 4 all.

Me, the stupid idiot, decided to try my luck and went orchard to c if I can catch a glimpse of baby. The degree of wanting to c her juz became stronger n stronger. I decided to walk from MBFC all the way to Orchard mrt. That was the longest ever walk of my life but one which I really looked 4ward 2. I had a goal and I want 2 achieve it. As it was raining heavily initially, I walked thru the underpass 1st 2 raffles mrt. I took the exit and walked up to the bridge in front of Fullerton. I loved the whole stretch of road so as I walked, I was so happy. As always, I walked along the river and thru Esplanade and to Marina Square. The shopping mall with our most memories in Spore. From MS, I walked thru Suntec to Bugis. The rain began 2 fall again and I had 2 use the brolly. From Bugis, I walked past National Library thru Sunshine Plaza and to POMO. Sunshine plaza brings back memories of the once not bad dim sum. Victor's was 1 of baby's fav when we were still schooling. I remember baby likes to eat the special carrot cake and custard bun. Those were the days when we were happy eating anything as long we r together. The feeling is so sweet and special when yr loved one is njoying her food beside u. I love to c baby happily munching her food. She is just so sweet and cute. Her smile never fails to melt my heart. From POMO, I juz continued 2 walk and walk.

As I was walking past PS, baby called me and told me she was reaching orchard mrt and she wanted to go queue 1st. She did not say where they were going to eat but I guessed it shld be Itacho as my baby loves Jap food. I decided to walk to Itacho and I saw baby and sis. I tried to catch a few more glimpses of baby and quickly walked off as I am afraid they might c me. I decided to go Food Republic to have my dinner. After ordering, I went to find a seat. Luckily, the place was not crowded or else I would have felt very uneasy as I had 2 eat alone. I hate eating alone but I have 2 learn 2 accept that from now onwards. I have to learn to do everything on my mind as I dun have baby anymore. Baby is no longer by my side to eat wif me, to watch movie with me and to stroll with me.

After eating, I went back to itacho 2 wait 4 baby 2 finish her dinner. I saw baby n sis walking out and I just keep following them. They walked ard in Ion 4 awhile and went to wisma 2 buy share tea. They carried on walking in to taka and suddenly they decided to change directions. I was taken aback and had 2 face the other direction and pray they will not c me. I had 2 keep a str8 face and they did not c me as they walked past me. I continued to follow them and all of a sudden I lost them. I walked ard 2 search but to no avail. I decided to go to the taxi stand to try my luck and true enuf, they were there. I walked outside of taka and observed them from the exit of the taxi stand. After baby boarded the taxi, I called her a few times but she did not 1 2 ans. I guessed that baby had other plans so I decided to wait 4 her at her house's void deck. I just waited and waited and waited.

Baby msged me at ard 12lus to ask if I was waiting 4 her. She is just so smart. She never fails to know my plan. I am never her match. Baby asked me 2 promise that I will go hm and rest and wait 4 her call. I said ok but I din mean it. I continued waiting 4 her all the way 2 2plus. After her mj sesssion, she told me that she was on the way back. I was really happy that she did msg me. When she saw me appearing in front of her, she became very angry and agitated. I made baby angry yet again.

Baby erupted and ended with a "if you want, come back at 2molo at 10 2 find me.

I have decided to take mc in the morning.

Till den.

林健玮和陈玮铃是老夫老妻。我们会天长地久。

Today is 15 Feb 2012.

没有baby的第二十九天。

It is the 29th day after our breakup.

Today was a super sad day. Baby told me she is confused and sad everyday. She said we cannot be together but she would like us to be frens but she will feel bad if YU KEN MIN knows. She said when we were together I oso dun 1 her to contact him. Isn't this sentence saying that she is alrdy with him? I asked baby and she said it is complicated. I am really sad. Really sad. I cannot accept the fact that my baby is going in2 a new relationship less than 1 mth after we broke up. Many bad thoughts juz keep appearing in my mind. I really dunnoe if I can withstand this pressure.

I am tired both physically and mentally. I slept 6.5 hrs 4 3 days but I am not exactly tired. My heart is hurting so much that I am really numb 2 everything now. A walking zombie is the best description 4 me.

My colleague asked me if I have a girlfren and I said no. I never knew it was so painful 2 say I dun have a girlfren. He said we 2 can go SDU 2gether. Wat a statement! I juz had my beloved baby left me and there he was saying we can go SDU together. Wat a joke that was! I could not blame him though as he also dunnoe what I am going thru. I was really affected by it though. Now, when ppl asked me that qn, I can no longer tell everyone that I have a baby princess who is my everything. She is no longer with me. I have 2 accept the fact. I miss the times when ppl asked me and I proudly said yes. Who can I blame but myself. I did not cherish Baby when she was by my side and took her 4 granted.

Baby asked me what if she was my SHEN JIA YI. It was so weird. Shen Jia Yi and Ko Teng were never together while baby and I go all the way back to our jc days. We were together 4 a total of 1836days and there she was saying what if she was my Shen Jia Yi. I will tell you again baby. You r YU KEN MIN"S Shen Jia Yi not mine. We are meant to be and I will make you mine again. I will make sure I prove my worth 2 u. 林健玮和陈玮铃是老夫老妻。我们会天长地久。

After work, I decided to stroll around my new work place. The surroundings are really nice. As I was strolling, tears started 2 well up in my eyes and I had 2 hold them back. Emotions filled me up and I was struggling. I had an urge 2 juz jump into the river and end it all. Why have I ended up in this plight? Where is the confident and happy Kelvin Lim Jian Wei of the past? The Kelvin Lim of now is simply a coward and useless crybaby. A useless bum who can only sit and cry even when he knows his baby is in another guy's arms. Why can't I fight him 2 the end? I believe I shld not wallow in self pity anymore. It is high time I take action and bring an end 2 all these.

When I came in2 my rm after dinner, I was super emotional. Maybe my depression is worsening. I can just break down any time now. I cried as I was watching 995. I felt as if I can feel the husband's grieve as the wife was killed in an accident. The feeling when yr loved one suddenly leaving you in the cold is frightening. I am experiencing it since 251211. I miss baby so so so much. I really have so much 2 tell her. Why can't all these be a long nightmare? I really miss you baby. It has been almost a month since I last saw u.

I can't believe I cried while I was sleeping. It was the 1st time this ever happened. I never knew one could actually cry while slping. I had a bad dream and I cried. I was so shocked that i woke up coz of crying. But I was so happy that I woke up coz I saw baby's msg. She told me she just ended tuition ard midnite. I was so shocked! It was such a late tuition. Luckily baby had taken her dinner or else she would have gastric pain again.

I called baby and we spoke 4 the longest period 4 the 1st time in a few mths. Baby emphasized that we can no longer be together ever. She had 2 say it a few times. It saddened me so so so much. She just refuses 2 give me a last chance. The President may sometimes show leniency 2 those criminals but I am worse off than them. I have been given the death sentence once and 4 all. Baby told me YU KEN MIN brought her 2 many atas places and she is living a wonderful life. She is eating the best food now and she never 1 2 吃苦with me ever again. Is going 2 the best reataurant n eating very expensive food all that matters 2 her now? Baby used to tell me I need not bring her 2 eat ex food as she is happy as long the food is nice. She says the most impt thing is me eating by her side. Everything has changed now.

I know baby resents me 4 not getting her a gd gift 4 so long and she hates it when others have it but she doesn't. I am really sorry 4 all the stuff I did 2 hurt you baby. I will make it up 2 u. I promise and it will not be an empty promise anymore.

I 1 us 2 have a romantic stroll along the river soon. I am sure baby will love it.

I guess I have 2 try 2 catch some sleep as it is 4.37am alrdy. I can only hope I can c baby in my dreams soon!! really hope you can stop being confused n sad everyday. I 1 baby 2 slp well and enuf. Have a good sleep baby. Muacks muacks.

I love you with all my heart and soul.